My first boyfriend that I ever had, actually sang a song that he wrote for me on-stage to ask me out. That was pretty romantic. 
Well, I was obsessed with Judy Garland growing up. Like, obsessed. 
I've felt depressed many times in my life, so I can draw on those times in my life when I need to. 
When you improvise, you work off the laughs from the audience, but when you step on stage to do standup, it's silent. 
I'm pretty good at weaseling my way into a job, even if I have no business being there. 
If you feel like a weirdo, it's okay because weirdos rule the world. 
I am a Netflix/DVR junkie. I don't like to watch TV without a plan. 
I'm not a super emotional person, so that's one reason I love acting - it makes me deal with myself in that kind of way. 
I'm too awkward to date, I think. I'm kind of all or nothing, you know? Either put a baby inside of me or leave me alone. 
When I was doing comedy in New York, before I was in movies, I was never known as the deadpan actress. I was just a comedienne. 
Tina Fey is one of my heroes. 
I want people to like me but not at my expense. 
I obviously bring all of my insecurities along with me to any role that I tackle. 
I'm going to create my own opportunities. If I can't find the roles I want, I'll just make them. 
I get really weird when I'm not working. I have to keep working. 
I've had experiences in my life where I've met certain people that have opened up something in me and given me hope and a new outlook on life. 
If I have the option, I always read the paper or a book or something I can touch and destroy in my own hands. 
I love great acting, as nerdy as that sounds. 
Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians. 
There are always parts of me that come out in the characters that I play - it's the only thing I have to work with and to draw off of. 
I don't let myself 'surf' on the Web, or I would probably drown. 
I sold my soul to the devil. I'd like to thank the devil. 
There's no photo-shoot academy. If there was, I'd probably be kicked out. 
Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it. 
My grandfather came over from Puerto Rico and raised his kids speaking English so that it would be easier for them to assimilate. 
It would be hilarious if I worked in a bowling alley. 
It's such a thing now, people making fun of other people on the Internet. 
My people would love it if I smiled more, if I was more 'approachable.' 