Artie Lange Quotes

Top 57 wise famous quotes and sayings by Artie Lange

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Artie Lange quotes: Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do. Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.
Artie Lange quotes: I got into comedy so I could stay out all night. I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
Artie Lange quotes: Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing. Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
Artie Lange quotes: Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose. Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.
Artie Lange quotes: To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me! To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me!
Artie Lange quotes: I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good. I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
Artie Lange quotes: In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party. In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.
Artie Lange quotes: If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row. If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
Artie Lange quotes: But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything. But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
Artie Lange quotes: You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse. You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
Artie Lange quotes: Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut. Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
Artie Lange quotes: Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me. Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
Artie Lange quotes: I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs. I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.
Artie Lange quotes: Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38. Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
Artie Lange quotes: I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.
Artie Lange quotes: The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life? The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life?
Artie Lange quotes: It's good to be alive. It's good to be alive.
Artie Lange quotes: Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.
Artie Lange quotes: My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be. My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.
Artie Lange quotes: It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs. It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
Artie Lange quotes: I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine.
Artie Lange quotes: I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete. I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.
Artie Lange quotes: Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy. Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
Artie Lange quotes: When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life. When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
Artie Lange quotes: The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation. The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
Artie Lange quotes: I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale. I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
Artie Lange quotes: Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself. Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
Artie Lange quotes: I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke. I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
Artie Lange quotes: Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
Artie Lange quotes: Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time. Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Artie Lange quotes: Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that. Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.
Artie Lange quotes: You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?' You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'
Artie Lange quotes: I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro. I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.
Artie Lange quotes: If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it? If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
Artie Lange quotes: For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah. For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.
Artie Lange quotes: I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking
Artie Lange quotes: Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine. Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
Artie Lange quotes: I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate. I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.
Artie Lange quotes: Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative. Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.
Artie Lange quotes: I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting. I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting.