Arthur Smith Quotes

Sometimes it's good to do something that you've never done before, so yesterday, I went out to buy Elton John's new album.

Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.

When a writer dies you get a higher standard of obituary.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

Someone once described me as the Zelig of comedy, and I think I know what he means.

The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.

I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.

Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.

I read 'Crime and Punishment' years ago and don't recall the details of it, but I do retain a strong sense of the creeping paranoia and panic.

Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'

The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.

My eyebrows could do with a trim.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.

Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office.

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.

If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.

I've always been interested in art.

I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?

The book may be garbage, but if it weighs in at a kilo or more, I stand before its author in awe.

The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer.

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.

Theatricals can be irritating, but will provide a better night out than mobile phone salespeople.

About every four years, someone says to me, 'I've got a friend who looks exactly like you.' What can you say to this?

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.

The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression.

Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world.

Every generation of children has its private hero.

Sometimes it's bad to do something you've never done before.

The Bible has no doubt had much influence in its time, but it provides very few laughs. None, in fact.

I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.

I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.

Travel books are, by and large, boring. They lodge uncomfortably between fact, fiction and autobiography.

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.