Andy Kindler quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Andy Kindler

Andy Kindler Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Andy Kindler on Wise Famous Quotes.

Andy Kindler quotes: From 1987 to 1992, I was on the road for 40 weeks a year playing comedy clubs, and that was during the 'comedy boom.'

From 1987 to 1992, I was on the road for 40 weeks a year playing comedy clubs, and that was during the 'comedy boom.'

Andy Kindler quotes: Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

Andy Kindler quotes: Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

Andy Kindler quotes: Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.

Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.

Andy Kindler quotes: My big fear is that I'll put down so many people, I'll have to leave show biz.

My big fear is that I'll put down so many people, I'll have to leave show biz.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly.

I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly.

Andy Kindler quotes: I've never been paid as a prognosticator. I don't get a lot of work as a mentalist.

I've never been paid as a prognosticator. I don't get a lot of work as a mentalist.

Andy Kindler quotes: I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.

I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.

Andy Kindler quotes: Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.

Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.

Andy Kindler quotes: I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.

I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.

Andy Kindler quotes: The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm not really in Louis CK's circle. It'd probably be harder if we were really close and I went off on him.

I'm not really in Louis CK's circle. It'd probably be harder if we were really close and I went off on him.

Andy Kindler quotes: I will say that I wasn't susceptible to Tony Robbins-like pitches, even as a younger man.

I will say that I wasn't susceptible to Tony Robbins-like pitches, even as a younger man.

Andy Kindler quotes: BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles.

BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles.

Andy Kindler quotes: Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.

Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.

Andy Kindler quotes: Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

Andy Kindler quotes: You can't go wrong with pizza, unless it's terrible pizza.

You can't go wrong with pizza, unless it's terrible pizza.

Andy Kindler quotes: I wanted to like 'Up in the Air' - I like Jason Reitman - but Vera Farmiga left me cold.

I wanted to like 'Up in the Air' - I like Jason Reitman - but Vera Farmiga left me cold.

Andy Kindler quotes: Can we all admit that 'Parks and Recreation' is horrible? Is this something we would all know, but don't say? Maybe everything should not be improv'd.

Can we all admit that 'Parks and Recreation' is horrible? Is this something we would all know, but don't say? Maybe everything should not be improv'd.

Andy Kindler quotes: There are so many people who just want a flashy object in front of their eyes and don't want to think at all; I find that disturbing.

There are so many people who just want a flashy object in front of their eyes and don't want to think at all; I find that disturbing.

Andy Kindler quotes: Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.

Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.

Andy Kindler quotes: Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

Andy Kindler quotes: There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Andy Kindler quotes: I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy.

I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy.

Andy Kindler quotes: Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.

Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.

Andy Kindler quotes: I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act.

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act.

Andy Kindler quotes: George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

Andy Kindler quotes: I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.

I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.

Andy Kindler quotes: My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

Andy Kindler quotes: I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing.

I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing.

Andy Kindler quotes: I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.

I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.

Andy Kindler quotes: Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.

Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm not a confrontational person in real life, so I really don't wanna get into arguments or fistfights with people I'm making fun of.

I'm not a confrontational person in real life, so I really don't wanna get into arguments or fistfights with people I'm making fun of.

Andy Kindler quotes: If everything was good, maybe I wouldn't have a career. I wouldn't have anything to make fun of.

If everything was good, maybe I wouldn't have a career. I wouldn't have anything to make fun of.

Andy Kindler quotes: My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes.

My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes.

Andy Kindler quotes: Jimmy Fallon is handsome. This is an indisputable fact.

Jimmy Fallon is handsome. This is an indisputable fact.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm not trying to do anything except entertain America.

I'm not trying to do anything except entertain America.

Andy Kindler quotes: Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

Andy Kindler quotes: CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.

CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.

Andy Kindler quotes: My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

Andy Kindler quotes: Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that.

I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that.

Andy Kindler quotes: I try to go out for everything. I go out for any acting stuff that comes up, and voice-over stuff.

I try to go out for everything. I go out for any acting stuff that comes up, and voice-over stuff.

Andy Kindler quotes: When did I start comedy? I came out of the womb and did 10 minutes.

When did I start comedy? I came out of the womb and did 10 minutes.

Andy Kindler quotes: I am the smartest comedian in the history of the world.

I am the smartest comedian in the history of the world.

Andy Kindler quotes: I've given myself permission to say whatever's on my mind when I'm on stage.

I've given myself permission to say whatever's on my mind when I'm on stage.

Andy Kindler quotes: I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character.

I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character.

Andy Kindler quotes: I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Andy Kindler quotes: I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more.

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more.

Andy Kindler quotes: I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.

I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.

Andy Kindler quotes: Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.

Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.

Andy Kindler quotes: I've sold a lot of different product. Very briefly, I sold Time Life Books on the phone.

I've sold a lot of different product. Very briefly, I sold Time Life Books on the phone.

Andy Kindler quotes: I came out to L.A. in '78 to be a musician. I didn't get into comedy until the mid-Eighties.

I came out to L.A. in '78 to be a musician. I didn't get into comedy until the mid-Eighties.

Andy Kindler quotes: Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

Andy Kindler quotes: Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.

Andy Kindler quotes: My favorite comedians are basically themselves onstage.

My favorite comedians are basically themselves onstage.

Andy Kindler quotes: 'The Graduate' should have won best picture over 'In the Heat of the Night.'

'The Graduate' should have won best picture over 'In the Heat of the Night.'

Andy Kindler quotes: I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV.

I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV.

Andy Kindler quotes: 'Ambulatory' is my favorite word to use because it never gets a laugh.

'Ambulatory' is my favorite word to use because it never gets a laugh.

Andy Kindler quotes: I can open up any can of worms and get people upset.

I can open up any can of worms and get people upset.

Andy Kindler quotes: I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie.

I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie.

Andy Kindler quotes: Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn't funny.

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn't funny.

Andy Kindler quotes: I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

Andy Kindler quotes: I'm on a mission. If I can make even one person not enjoy something they're currently enjoying, it's all worth it!

I'm on a mission. If I can make even one person not enjoy something they're currently enjoying, it's all worth it!

Andy Kindler quotes: My goal isn't to wake up in the morning and hurt people's feelings.

My goal isn't to wake up in the morning and hurt people's feelings.

Andy Kindler quotes: Very unique: I was a singer-songwriter-guitarist. Very unusual in the late Seventies to find a singer-songwriter, and on top of that, a guitarist.

Very unique: I was a singer-songwriter-guitarist. Very unusual in the late Seventies to find a singer-songwriter, and on top of that, a guitarist.