Al Franken quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Al Franken

Al Franken Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Al Franken on Wise Famous Quotes.

When you live in New York, one of two things happen - you either become a New Yorker, or you feel more like the place you came from.

I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota.

If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.

No one is more sensitive to the issue of overeating than the creator of Stuart Smalley.

Liberals don't hate America. We love America more than Ann Coulter does. I love it enough to engage my readers honestly.

Let's keep the Internet weird. Let's keep the Internet free.

I don't know what happens to you after you die. I'm not banking on there being, like, a heaven.

It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.

In my first week as a U.S. senator, I had the privilege of participating in the Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Judge Sonia Sotomayor.

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.

Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.

Service dogs raise their masters' sense of well-being.

At 'SNL,' I wrote political stuff, but I never felt the show should have an axe to grind. But when I left in '95, I could let my own beliefs out.

Liberals like me love America. We just love America in a different way.

The nature of the Internet and the importance of net neutrality is that innovation can come from everyone.

Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.

Skepticism turns to cynicism, which leads to apathy and despair, which can cause sleeplessness, dry-mouth, and loss of sex drive.

I had a great time working on the movies, both the major movies I've done. I've had a great time. I like the people in Hollywood a lot.

I don't know how many of you have been to New York, but if a building is two blocks away from anything, you can't see it.

Whining is anger through a small opening.

I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.

I hope you realize, in a democracy, laughter is assent.

Today I will masterbate!
Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written Today I will masterbate
if I want to!

Well, I think that there's a value to comedy in and of itself.

I believe people have a right to know what's going on with their information and how it's collected, how it's stored and who gets it.

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.

I'm for Israel's right to exist.

If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it'd be a travesty.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

Being a comedian, you're under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform - to deal with pressure without stress.

Minnesota has a proud tradition of having two Senators on the Ag committee - a tradition I'd like very much to continue.

Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.

When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.

I'm the New York Jew who actually grew up in Minnesota.

I believe in not attacking a country pre-emptively unless you're sure of what you're doing and you're working with allies.

Let's not let the government sell us out. Let's fight for net neutrality.

What you see on the campaign trail is me. It's easy being me.

Technology is an incredible tool - it connects people to each other, creates jobs all over the world, and makes life easier for millions of Americans.

Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.

Antitrust law isn't about protecting competing businesses from each other, it's about protecting competition itself on behalf of the public.

Teen pregnancy went way down in the '90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.

The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations.

I'm a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I'm invited to all the inaugural balls.

We need to prepare our kids for a 21st Century economy, and we're not doing it with our schools.

Gary Bauer is a very good - he's a good friend of mine.

I couldn't think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow's leaders.

When the president during the campaign
said he was against nation building,
I didn't realize he meant our nation.

I get satisfaction when I write something I like, when I'm happy with it.

Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.

Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.

Why don't we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.

There's plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it's a serious business.

My daughter became a teacher right out of college.

I'm from the Vietnam generation. I didn't serve.

We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.

My dad was a terrible businessman.

I want a president who can handle a cream soda.

I ask the American people not to fall victim to disinformation. There are no death panels. The Affordable Care Act cuts the deficit.

Net neutrality isn't a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.

Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.

It's the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you.

He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four points higher than the Unabomber.

I grew up in Minnesota, where we treasure our tradition of civic engagement - and our record of having the nation's highest voter participation.

I just can't sit still and meditate; that doesn't kind of work for me. I don't even know exactly what it means.

Google might be doping the horses.

I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.

I do have a self-censor; everybody does, or at least most who are not pathological do.

Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.

There is - I mean - I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.

If we have George W. Bush as president, we're going to go back to the kind of policies we had when his father and Ronald Reagan were president.

Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers ... Rush Limbaugh is what I call a disinfotainer. He entertains by spreading disinformation.

I've spent my entire career being a satirist.

I'm sure I've devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.

I'm crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.

I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals.

If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want.

One thing I've noticed about politics is that these guys have pretty thick hides.

I'm a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I'll never stop.

When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.

If you use a cell phone - as I do - your wireless carrier likely has records about your physical movements going back months, if not years.

Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose, and terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.

I got interested in politics during the civil rights movement and then Vietnam.

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

It's really building Air America that I'm focused on, and for me, that almost only means doing a good show.

I think that the default for collecting any kind of personal data should be opt-in consent.

You can't change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!