Woody Allen quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Woody Allen

Woody Allen Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Woody Allen on Wise Famous Quotes.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.

We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!

I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.

I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.

My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's all through the actors; I cannot write in that idiom

Your self esteem is like a notch below Kafka's.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.

I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.

I don't know enough to be incompetent.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.

I am plagued by doubts.

It's about Russia.

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

The only love that lasts is unrequited love.

As the author you know how you want it to appear on screen and it's always the content dictating the form.

I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens.

I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)

Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I read in self-defense.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree'
probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.

American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.

If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to ... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.

If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field.

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.

I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I feel more comfortable with it.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.

Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.

Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

bullshit french post-war rationalizing

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

I hope you're getting this down.

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.

Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope with it ...

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.

I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know ... I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.

Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

All i have in my life is my imagination

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot