Will Durst Quotes

President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.

The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.

Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars.

It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

Walter Mondale has all the charisma of a speed bump.

In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian.

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.

Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.

Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.