Sarah Silverman Quotes
Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Sarah Silverman
Sarah Silverman Famous Quotes & Sayings
Discover top inspirational quotes from Sarah Silverman on Wise Famous Quotes.
I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.
If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding.
Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.
I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.
I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it.
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons ... which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed.
We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.
Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
I can see myself adopting. I'm not in a rush to do it. I'm 39, I know, but I do love kids, and I'm very good - I've got a lot of really good moves.
I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love.
She loved dogs, New York, television, children, friendship, sex, laughing, heartbreaking songs, marijuana, farts, and cuddling.
When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.
Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.
Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.
When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.
If women could ejaculate, I would have exploded hot jizz all over my manager's face. Instead, I hugged him. (about getting the SNL gig as a writer)
I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.
I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.
When you're a bed wetter there's only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they're hard to come by.
When you're a comic, it's like being born gay. It's what you want to do every night when your other friends are out at night going to parties.
I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.
People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am - I'm white!
Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it.
The worst thing that can happen for people who don't want women to be strong is that we help each other and become a force.
I remembah when you whuh a tiny baby and I had to lift those tiny legs and wipe the SHIT out of you-ah tuchus. It was fuckin' disgustin'.