Sam Kinison quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Sam Kinison

Sam Kinison Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Sam Kinison on Wise Famous Quotes.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Society needs a couple of vents that say what you're not supposed to say.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days ... Not all in a row.

You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do ... give sheep the vote?

I'm not going to give up the shock part of my comedy.

AIDS is a horrible disease, and the people who catch it deserve compassion.

Anyone can go out on stage and start beating people over the head with rubber chickens. That'll get people's attention.

Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!

When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.

I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.

I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock 'n' roll and ex-wives. In that order.

I've never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.

It was like going to church, except Ozzy Osbourne was there.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

I have lived a carnal life.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.

I'm a comedian, and my comedy has never endorsed violence towards gays.

Everything can be satirized.

If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies ... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!

Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like aaaaa ... beeeee ... ceeee.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.

Just because I do a few comedy bits about gay people, that does not mean I'm out there promoting some anti-gay cause.

I'm attracted to heartbreakers.

So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.

I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

I'd rather entertain people than offend them.

I'm so tired of men who are afraid to hurt women's feelings.