Roseanne Barr Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Roseanne Barr

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Pinterest Share on Linkedin

Roseanne Barr quotes: A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer. A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family. Nobody wanted the 'Roseanne' show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.
Roseanne Barr quotes: There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more. There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.
Roseanne Barr quotes: As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews. As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy. Two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.
Roseanne Barr quotes: My real life is funnier than anything on TV. My real life is funnier than anything on TV.
Roseanne Barr quotes: My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it. My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous. I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous.
Roseanne Barr quotes: We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are. We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
Roseanne Barr quotes: My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches. My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.
Roseanne Barr quotes: You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right. You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.
Roseanne Barr quotes: And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny. And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way. I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.
Roseanne Barr quotes: My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes. My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones. Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones.
Roseanne Barr quotes: One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I remember performing on a punk stage with no mic in the middle of a mosh pit. My act was called "How to Be a Domestic Goddess." I remember performing on a punk stage with no mic in the middle of a mosh pit. My act was called "How to Be a Domestic Goddess."
Roseanne Barr quotes: Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to. Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.
Roseanne Barr quotes: You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps. You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?' I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'
Roseanne Barr quotes: I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job. I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.
Roseanne Barr quotes: You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there. You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint. Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.
Roseanne Barr quotes: To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian. To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians. Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.
Roseanne Barr quotes: There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin. There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin.
Roseanne Barr quotes: You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship. You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear. I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Once you get away from wanting to get paid, you can actually say some true things. Once you get away from wanting to get paid, you can actually say some true things.
Roseanne Barr quotes: A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either? A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either?
Roseanne Barr quotes: Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy. I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Being nuts is its own reward. Being nuts is its own reward.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
Roseanne Barr quotes: I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah. I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Abortion is a woman's right. Abortion is a woman's right.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I'm God because I have the power to control my mind. I'm God because I have the power to control my mind.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great. I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.
Roseanne Barr quotes: The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians. The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house. I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Roseanne Barr quotes: It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here. It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job. I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.
Roseanne Barr quotes: As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job
Roseanne Barr quotes: In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
Roseanne Barr quotes: They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts! They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!
Roseanne Barr quotes: I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not. I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Comedy is the only hope for humanity. Comedy is the only hope for humanity.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before. I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place. I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?
Roseanne Barr quotes: You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park. You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids. Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
Roseanne Barr quotes: A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that. A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that.
Roseanne Barr quotes: Politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses. Politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.
Roseanne Barr quotes: My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that. My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.
Roseanne Barr quotes: I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show.