Zach Galifianakis Quotes: top 92 famous quotes about Zach Galifianakis

Zach Galifianakis Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Zach Galifianakis quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92. — Zach Galifianakis

When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.' — Zach Galifianakis

You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7. — Zach Galifianakis

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit. — Zach Galifianakis

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis

Hookers don't like to snuggle. — Zach Galifianakis

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing. — Zach Galifianakis

I've never been in love ... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food — Zach Galifianakis

The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to. — Zach Galifianakis

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven? — Zach Galifianakis

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean. — Zach Galifianakis

I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. — Zach Galifianakis

Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say. — Zach Galifianakis

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis

My forte is awkwardness. — Zach Galifianakis

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese. — Zach Galifianakis

My real last name is Galifianakisburg. — Zach Galifianakis

Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!" — Zach Galifianakis

I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. — Zach Galifianakis

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!' — Zach Galifianakis

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar. — Zach Galifianakis

Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster. — Zach Galifianakis

Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person. — Zach Galifianakis

I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. — Zach Galifianakis

My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself. — Zach Galifianakis

Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. — Zach Galifianakis

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. — Zach Galifianakis

American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11." — Zach Galifianakis

Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria. — Zach Galifianakis

I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?' — Zach Galifianakis

It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much. — Zach Galifianakis

I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something. — Zach Galifianakis

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective. — Zach Galifianakis

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. — Zach Galifianakis

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot. — Zach Galifianakis

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. — Zach Galifianakis

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock. — Zach Galifianakis

I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy. — Zach Galifianakis

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron ... and a lot like Patrick Ewing. — Zach Galifianakis

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions. — Zach Galifianakis

I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy. — Zach Galifianakis

I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. — Zach Galifianakis

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch. — Zach Galifianakis

Tigers love pepper ... they hate cinnamon. — Zach Galifianakis

I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. — Zach Galifianakis

Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it. — Zach Galifianakis

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. — Zach Galifianakis

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit. — Zach Galifianakis

I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge . — Zach Galifianakis

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. — Zach Galifianakis

That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? — Zach Galifianakis

I call my balls the bush twins. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. — Zach Galifianakis

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name
and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. — Zach Galifianakis

I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do. — Zach Galifianakis

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever." — Zach Galifianakis

I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship' — Zach Galifianakis

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! — Zach Galifianakis

I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness. — Zach Galifianakis

My comfort zone is press conferences. — Zach Galifianakis

When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically. — Zach Galifianakis

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing. — Zach Galifianakis

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. — Zach Galifianakis

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. — Zach Galifianakis

I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!' — Zach Galifianakis

Zach Galifianakis is hilarious. I worked with him on a pilot before; he's hilarious and such a nice person. — Zachary Gordon

A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. — Zach Galifianakis

I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that. — Zach Galifianakis

My father used to beat me with his belt ... while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis

I once walked in on my grandparents making love ... And that's why I don't eat raisins. — Zach Galifianakis

You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies. — Zach Galifianakis

I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it. — Zach Galifianakis

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font. — Zach Galifianakis

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs. — Zach Galifianakis

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling. — Zach Galifianakis

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles. — Zach Galifianakis

I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed. — Zach Galifianakis

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? — Zach Galifianakis

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole." — Zach Galifianakis

Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done. — Zach Galifianakis

There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend. — Zach Galifianakis

I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy. — Zach Galifianakis

Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier. — Zach Galifianakis

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave. — Zach Galifianakis

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life. — Zach Galifianakis