Zach Galifianakis Funny Quotes
Collection of top 35 famous quotes about Zach Galifianakis Funny
Zach Galifianakis Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Zach Galifianakis Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.'
— Zach Galifianakis
You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
— Zach Galifianakis
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
— Zach Galifianakis
Hookers don't like to snuggle.
— Zach Galifianakis
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
— Zach Galifianakis
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
— Zach Galifianakis
Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria.
— Zach Galifianakis
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
— Zach Galifianakis
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
— Zach Galifianakis
Difference makers look with their own eyes from a variety of perspectives to see new possibilities.
— David Sturt
Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"
— Zach Galifianakis
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
— Zach Galifianakis
I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
— Zach Galifianakis
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."
— Zach Galifianakis
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
— Zach Galifianakis
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
— Zach Galifianakis
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
— Zach Galifianakis
My father used to beat me with his belt ... while it was still on him.
— Zach Galifianakis
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs.
— Zach Galifianakis
I never doubted my ability, but ...
— Hank Aaron
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
— Zach Galifianakis
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."
— Zach Galifianakis
I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.
— Zach Galifianakis
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."
— Zach Galifianakis
I didn't think God would make someone go through that much physical pain. I didn't think God would make someone suffer like she suffered
— Colleen Hoover
Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
— Zach Galifianakis
I call my balls the bush twins.
— Zach Galifianakis
A fit of laughter, which has been indulged to excess, almost always produces a violent reaction.
— Plato
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis
