Zach Galifianakis Funny Quotes: top 35 famous quotes about Zach Galifianakis Funny

Zach Galifianakis Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Zach Galifianakis Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.' — Zach Galifianakis

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit. — Zach Galifianakis

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis

Hookers don't like to snuggle. — Zach Galifianakis

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven? — Zach Galifianakis

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean. — Zach Galifianakis

Life cannot be lived, and understood, simultaneously. — Aristotle.

Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria. — Zach Galifianakis

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. — Zach Galifianakis

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar. — Zach Galifianakis

Difference makers look with their own eyes from a variety of perspectives to see new possibilities. — David Sturt

Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!" — Zach Galifianakis

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. — Zach Galifianakis

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch. — Zach Galifianakis

I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11." — Zach Galifianakis

Of all the gifts You have offered to God, Your happiness-gift He treasures most. — Sri Chinmoy

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective. — Zach Galifianakis

That laughter costs too much which is purchased by the sacrifice of decency. — John Quinton

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. — Zach Galifianakis

Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis

My father used to beat me with his belt ... while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs. — Zach Galifianakis

I never doubted my ability, but ... — Hank Aaron

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? — Zach Galifianakis

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole." — Zach Galifianakis

I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life. — Zach Galifianakis

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever." — Zach Galifianakis

I didn't think God would make someone go through that much physical pain. I didn't think God would make someone suffer like she suffered — Colleen Hoover

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. — Zach Galifianakis

I call my balls the bush twins. — Zach Galifianakis

A fit of laughter, which has been indulged to excess, almost always produces a violent reaction. — Plato

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name
and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! — Zach Galifianakis

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing. — Zach Galifianakis