Zach Galifianakis Quotes
Collection of top 92 famous quotes about Zach Galifianakis
Zach Galifianakis Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Zach Galifianakis quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.
— Zach Galifianakis
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.'
— Zach Galifianakis
You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.
— Zach Galifianakis
You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
— Zach Galifianakis
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
— Zach Galifianakis
Hookers don't like to snuggle.
— Zach Galifianakis
My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
— Zach Galifianakis
I've never been in love ... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
— Zach Galifianakis
The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.
— Zach Galifianakis
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
— Zach Galifianakis
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
— Zach Galifianakis
I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.
— Zach Galifianakis
Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say.
— Zach Galifianakis
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
— Zach Galifianakis
My forte is awkwardness.
— Zach Galifianakis
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.
— Zach Galifianakis
My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
— Zach Galifianakis
Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"
— Zach Galifianakis
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
— Zach Galifianakis
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'
— Zach Galifianakis
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
— Zach Galifianakis
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
— Zach Galifianakis
I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
— Zach Galifianakis
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
— Zach Galifianakis
I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
— Zach Galifianakis
My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.
— Zach Galifianakis
Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.
— Zach Galifianakis
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
— Zach Galifianakis
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."
— Zach Galifianakis
Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'
— Zach Galifianakis
It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.
— Zach Galifianakis
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
— Zach Galifianakis
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
— Zach Galifianakis
You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
— Zach Galifianakis
I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
— Zach Galifianakis
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
— Zach Galifianakis
I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.
— Zach Galifianakis
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
— Zach Galifianakis
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.
— Zach Galifianakis
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron ... and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
— Zach Galifianakis
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
— Zach Galifianakis
I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
— Zach Galifianakis
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
— Zach Galifianakis
I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
— Zach Galifianakis
Tigers love pepper ... they hate cinnamon.
— Zach Galifianakis
I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
— Zach Galifianakis
Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.
— Zach Galifianakis
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
— Zach Galifianakis
I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
— Zach Galifianakis
I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
— Zach Galifianakis
Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
— Zach Galifianakis
That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people?
— Zach Galifianakis
I call my balls the bush twins.
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
— Zach Galifianakis
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis
I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.
— Zach Galifianakis
I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.
— Zach Galifianakis
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."
— Zach Galifianakis
I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'
— Zach Galifianakis
I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
— Zach Galifianakis
I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
— Zach Galifianakis
My comfort zone is press conferences.
— Zach Galifianakis
When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.
— Zach Galifianakis
Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
— Zach Galifianakis
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
— Zach Galifianakis
The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.
— Zach Galifianakis
I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'
— Zach Galifianakis
Zach Galifianakis is hilarious. I worked with him on a pilot before; he's hilarious and such a nice person.
— Zachary Gordon
A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
— Zach Galifianakis
I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.
— Zach Galifianakis
My father used to beat me with his belt ... while it was still on him.
— Zach Galifianakis
I once walked in on my grandparents making love ... And that's why I don't eat raisins.
— Zach Galifianakis
You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
— Zach Galifianakis
I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.
— Zach Galifianakis
The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.
— Zach Galifianakis
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs.
— Zach Galifianakis
I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.
— Zach Galifianakis
If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
— Zach Galifianakis
I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.
— Zach Galifianakis
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
— Zach Galifianakis
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."
— Zach Galifianakis
Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.
— Zach Galifianakis
There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
— Zach Galifianakis
I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.
— Zach Galifianakis
Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.
— Zach Galifianakis
You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.
— Zach Galifianakis
