Writers Funny Quotes

I'll pray for good semen. And I'll get all of my friends to pray for good semen. — Buffy Andrews

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams. — Nenia Campbell

Crime writers, I've noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven't been caught yet! — Sara Sheridan

A humorist is a writer who's not funny enough to call themselves a comedian. — Dan Alatorre

The lot of the bride
to be wed before bed
desired until rotten.
The lot of the author
to be read before bed
admired then forgotten. — Roman Payne

Too many writers get stuck in the trap of writing what they think is funny and not considering who they are writing it for. — Robin Thede

Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it? — Colson Whitehead

I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I or the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom. — Julia Louis-Dreyfus

You deserve good sperm. You've waited a long time. — Buffy Andrews

They told me I've got writer's cramp. So is that better than the block? — Joyce Rachelle

What is your advice to young writers?"
"Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. — Charles Bukowski

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... — E.A. Bucchianeri

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee. — Ryan Lilly

What great comedians, great comic writers, great comic actors do is that they just read the headlines with the right eyebrow position and it's funny. — David Salle

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page. — Calvin Trillin

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff. — Matt Groening

He was a humorist, and everyone knew the funny writers were the most serious sort under their skins. — Paula McLain

You see, unlike most writers today, I do not use a computer. I write the old-fashioned way: on the walls of caves. — Cuthbert Soup

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels. — Candace C. Bowen

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use. — Mark Twain

The pimple is perfect. — Buffy Andrews

I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. — Steve Martin