Work Humor Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Work Humor
Work Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Work Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.
— Mitch Hedberg
I hope you feel better today. Please ring me at work if you are dead.
— Jaclyn Moriarty
Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
— Scott Adams
Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.
— Carl Hiaasen
The sun doesn't live in England; it comes here on holiday when we're all at work.
— Benny Bellamacina
She did her work with the thoroughness of a mind which reveres details and never quite understands them.
— Sinclair Lewis
Celery as celery was bad. Celery fried was the work of Satan.
— Kristen Ashley
Llarimar had told him to do his best. That sounded like an awful lot of work. Unfortunately, doing nothing was beginning to seem like even MORE work.
— Brandon Sanderson
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
— Neil Gaiman
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
— Robert Benchley
It was like he was in a contest to see who could do the least work, only he was the only contestant.
— Catherine Gilbert Murdock
It is better to work in a prison than to live in one.
— Brenda Winters
I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning ... That can keep me awake for days..
— Billy Connolly
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
— George Carlin
Can't you home school me?" Nate pleaded."You would never do any work." (Nate's mom)
"Sounds perfect! — Brandon Mull
Adoption is the most intentional process on Earth.
— Jody Cantrell Dyer
Xander, that's nothing but a glorified work project. They want some free labor and they're bribing us with ice cream.
— Ally Condie
Why is it that a man always stops to admire another man's work at the worst possible time?
— James Flerlage
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
— Frank Carson
They seemed to believe that the right mixture of Nike, granola and hard work would turn anyone, anywhere in the world, into a millionaire.
— Nick Harkaway
I sometimes wonder if my last words on this earth will be something like, 'Oh, I knew this wouldn't work.
— Quinn Cummings
Claire to Tony: I know you enjoy coffee, I'd offer you some. But, the last time I got you coffee, it didn't work out so well for me.
— Aleatha Romig
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
— Jerome K. Jerome
I swear to Vishnu, if this doesn't work, I'm going to stab you in the throat with a Pipette.
— Kyoko M.
If your career doesn't work out, write a book about it.
— Marcy Sheiner
Where in the work of these people was love, the unmoving motor of all the stars, fixed point and vertex of the actions of men of real daring?
— Daniel Saldana Paris
I think it needs work. Like all your other songs.""Yeah, well, your face will need some work after I give you a good beatin'. — Kami Garcia
MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?""Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work. — Laura Oliva
No, I was just trying to burn a hole in the side of your face with my laser vision. It didn't work.
— H.M. Ward
When asked by her publisher why her work had not been submitted while on her honeymoon: I've been too fucking busy or vice versa
— Dorothy Parker
Transparency, honesty, kindness, good stewardship, even humor, work in businesses at all times.
— John Gerzema
I expect you to work hard on our agenda.
— George W. Bush
I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism.
— Veronica Blade
I was born. It was easy. My mother did all the hard work.
— Katie MacAlister
I didn't have all the expectations and the publicity. It probably made me work harder and learn more. It was a blessing in disguise.
— Dustin Penner
Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.
— Jasper Fforde
Some people say, "I only want to do God's work." How do you know what God's work is??
— Art Hochberg
Leaving work with a bag full of Guinness and thank-you notes is better than getting paid.
— Clifton Kenny
If wishes were horses, paupers would ride. If the queen had balls, she'd be king. If I didn't have to WORK, I'd write stories all day.
— Suki Michelle
I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.
— Jasper Johns
I still doubt it will work.""You'd doubt the sun's rising if you weren't proven wrong each day," Raoden
said with a smile. — Brandon Sanderson
Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them.
— Adhish Mazumder
To work hard, to live hard, to die hard, and then go to hell after all would be too damn hard.
— Carl Sandburg
A work of art is an act of love. Critics are crab lice.
— David Gerrold
I'm sorry that your mystical, godlike powers do not instantly work as you would like them to.
— Brandon Sanderson
I know lots of things you don't""Name five."
"The Grand Unification Theory, tax law, binary, the capital of Azerbailan, and how tractors work. — Daniel Nayeri
In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network.
— Gail Sheehy
Have you tried talking to her?" "No. We've been punching her in the face repeatedly. What? You don't think that will work? — Cassandra Clare
I think my work here is done. Breakfast and multiple orgasms...You won't get that at your favorite diner.
— Toni Aleo
If I have a spreadsheet that can, whatever, turn soup cans into gold, wouldn't I deserve an office?
— Charlie Close
Every Friday is black where I work.
— The Covert Comic
If we want less and less, we may in fact receive more and more of what we need. It may work like that.
— Art Hochberg
Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused
— Terry Pratchett
It's funny how things work out sometimes.
— Anthony Horowitz
Work with Evangeline Black? I'd rather be slit open from navel to nose." -CORBIN BLUE"Good thing I always carry a knife." -EVIE BLACK — Gena Showalter
Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.
— Nicole McKay
I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.
— Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Sometimes, there is no harm in putting off a piece of work until another day.
— Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Just 'Your mother.'" But it doesn't work if girls say it to each other," she continues. "You have to have a penis for it to affect you in such a way.
— Melina Marchetta
Demon - with the highest respect for you - behold your work!
— Charles Dickens
Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.
— Terry Pratchett
I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.
— Robin Brande
This is our life now: slaving away in thankless, monotonous jobs and spending half our salaries on fattening food.
— Katrina Ramos Atienza
Uh, yeah - how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me.
— Tahereh Mafi
I don't have any babies or ambition. I have it all!
— Nan Little
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
— Terry Pratchett
Are you fighting evil tonight? ... Then you are doing the Lord's work. Shut the fuck up.
— James R Tuck
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
— Mel Brooks
Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.
— Thomas Bernhard
I am Valentino Rossi. If I stay in MotoGP it is to try to win. When that is not possible it is time to stay at home and work in the garden!
— Valentino Rossi
The time for useful work flies fast. Why talk of being in the humor? Who hesitates will never be.
— Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
