Work Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Work Humor

Work Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Work Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

I hope you feel better today. Please ring me at work if you are dead. — Jaclyn Moriarty

Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing. — Scott Adams

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head. — Carl Hiaasen

He was one of those diplomats who like and know how to work, and, despite his laziness, he occasionally spent nights at his desk. — Leo Tolstoy

But it is clear to me that our survival - both yours and mine - will be dictated by how well you and I can work together."
"So we're screwed? — Devon Monk

The sun doesn't live in England; it comes here on holiday when we're all at work. — Benny Bellamacina

She did her work with the thoroughness of a mind which reveres details and never quite understands them. — Sinclair Lewis

Celery as celery was bad. Celery fried was the work of Satan. — Kristen Ashley

Llarimar had told him to do his best. That sounded like an awful lot of work. Unfortunately, doing nothing was beginning to seem like even MORE work. — Brandon Sanderson

It is awfully hard work doing nothing. However, I don't mind hard work where there is no definite object of any kind. -Algernon — Oscar Wilde

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. — Neil Gaiman

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated. — Robert Benchley

It was like he was in a contest to see who could do the least work, only he was the only contestant. — Catherine Gilbert Murdock

It is better to work in a prison than to live in one. — Brenda Winters

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning ... That can keep me awake for days.. — Billy Connolly

I manage through a sense of humor. We all work hard, and work has to be a really interesting, fun place. And that has to start at the top. — Carol Bartz

Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode. — Don Roff

When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work. — Brandon Mull

The best work never was and never will be done for money. — John Ruskin

Although I understand that all days are equal with 24 hours each, most of us agree that Friday is the longest day of the week and Sunday the shortest! — D.S. Mixell

If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again. — Bill Watterson

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work. — George Carlin

Can't you home school me?" Nate pleaded.
"You would never do any work." (Nate's mom)
"Sounds perfect! — Brandon Mull

Adoption is the most intentional process on Earth. — Jody Cantrell Dyer

Every time I hear about somebody who wins a never-work-again sum in the lottery but keeps his or her day job I think, not a book person. — Amy Smith

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way. — John Zorn

Xander, that's nothing but a glorified work project. They want some free labor and they're bribing us with ice cream. — Ally Condie

Why is it that a man always stops to admire another man's work at the worst possible time? — James Flerlage

Your mind is just like a parachute ! if you don't open it, it won't work ! — Tom Evans

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. — Frank Carson

In fact I always disliked conceptual art, because my work is about anarchistic humor. — Dan Graham

They seemed to believe that the right mixture of Nike, granola and hard work would turn anyone, anywhere in the world, into a millionaire. — Nick Harkaway

I sometimes wonder if my last words on this earth will be something like, 'Oh, I knew this wouldn't work. — Quinn Cummings

Claire to Tony: I know you enjoy coffee, I'd offer you some. But, the last time I got you coffee, it didn't work out so well for me. — Aleatha Romig

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? — Steven Wright

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. — Jerome K. Jerome

I swear to Vishnu, if this doesn't work, I'm going to stab you in the throat with a Pipette. — Kyoko M.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance? — Ronald Reagan

If your career doesn't work out, write a book about it. — Marcy Sheiner

Where in the work of these people was love, the unmoving motor of all the stars, fixed point and vertex of the actions of men of real daring? — Daniel Saldana Paris

I think it needs work. Like all your other songs."
"Yeah, well, your face will need some work after I give you a good beatin'. — Kami Garcia

MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?"
"Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work. — Laura Oliva

Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done. — Linus Torvalds

Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons. — Ryan North

No, I was just trying to burn a hole in the side of your face with my laser vision. It didn't work. — H.M. Ward

When asked by her publisher why her work had not been submitted while on her honeymoon: I've been too fucking busy or vice versa — Dorothy Parker

Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard. — Bauvard

I doubted vampire stuff would work on my disembodied father. He might have been a soulless bastard, but he was not an actual vampire. — Devon Monk

Transparency, honesty, kindness, good stewardship, even humor, work in businesses at all times. — John Gerzema

I expect you to work hard on our agenda. — George W. Bush

Some things were above my pay grade. Actually, there were things that slithered on their bellies that were higher than my pay grade. — Jodi Taylor

I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. — Veronica Blade

I was born. It was easy. My mother did all the hard work. — Katie MacAlister

I didn't have all the expectations and the publicity. It probably made me work harder and learn more. It was a blessing in disguise. — Dustin Penner

Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature. — Jasper Fforde

Some people say, "I only want to do God's work." How do you know what God's work is?? — Art Hochberg

Leaving work with a bag full of Guinness and thank-you notes is better than getting paid. — Clifton Kenny

If wishes were horses, paupers would ride. If the queen had balls, she'd be king. If I didn't have to WORK, I'd write stories all day. — Suki Michelle

Being productive. Ugh. It's such a human concept. It implies you have limited time (LOL) and have to work hard to make something happen (double LOL). — Rick Riordan

There are times when looking on the bright side takes a lot ot work. I'm taking a break from it tonight. I'll be back at it tomorrow. — C.C. Alma

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it. — Jasper Johns

I still doubt it will work."
"You'd doubt the sun's rising if you weren't proven wrong each day," Raoden
said with a smile. — Brandon Sanderson

Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them. — Adhish Mazumder

To work hard, to live hard, to die hard, and then go to hell after all would be too damn hard. — Carl Sandburg

A work of art is an act of love. Critics are crab lice. — David Gerrold

I'm sorry that your mystical, godlike powers do not instantly work as you would like them to. — Brandon Sanderson

I know lots of things you don't"
"Name five."
"The Grand Unification Theory, tax law, binary, the capital of Azerbailan, and how tractors work. — Daniel Nayeri

In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network. — Gail Sheehy

Have you tried talking to her?"
"No. We've been punching her in the face repeatedly. What? You don't think that will work? — Cassandra Clare

If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first. — Honeya

I think my work here is done. Breakfast and multiple orgasms...You won't get that at your favorite diner. — Toni Aleo

Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it. — Sue Grafton

If I have a spreadsheet that can, whatever, turn soup cans into gold, wouldn't I deserve an office? — Charlie Close

Every Friday is black where I work. — The Covert Comic

If we want less and less, we may in fact receive more and more of what we need. It may work like that. — Art Hochberg

Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused — Terry Pratchett

It's funny how things work out sometimes. — Anthony Horowitz

Work with Evangeline Black? I'd rather be slit open from navel to nose." -CORBIN BLUE
"Good thing I always carry a knife." -EVIE BLACK — Gena Showalter

Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better. — Nicole McKay

If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. — Honeya

Computers are heaven-sent when they work and hell-spawn when they don't.
There's just not much middle ground when it comes to technology. — Dani Harper

I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain. — Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Sometimes, there is no harm in putting off a piece of work until another day. — Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Just 'Your mother.'" But it doesn't work if girls say it to each other," she continues. "You have to have a penis for it to affect you in such a way. — Melina Marchetta

Demon - with the highest respect for you - behold your work! — Charles Dickens

Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive. — Terry Pratchett

I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out. — Robin Brande

Falling in love means your reserve chute didn't work as you hurtled back to earth — Josh Stern

This is our life now: slaving away in thankless, monotonous jobs and spending half our salaries on fattening food. — Katrina Ramos Atienza

Uh, yeah - how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me. — Tahereh Mafi

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. — William Zinsser

I don't have any babies or ambition. I have it all! — Nan Little

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think. — Terry Pratchett

Are you fighting evil tonight? ... Then you are doing the Lord's work. Shut the fuck up. — James R Tuck

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know. — Mel Brooks

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work. — Thomas Bernhard

I am Valentino Rossi. If I stay in MotoGP it is to try to win. When that is not possible it is time to stay at home and work in the garden! — Valentino Rossi

The time for useful work flies fast. Why talk of being in the humor? Who hesitates will never be. — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

I was thinking that work is like fertilizer in that I'm glad it exists; I just don't ever want to get stuck in it. — Brandon Sanderson