Witty But Funny Quotes: top 50 famous quotes about Witty But Funny

Witty But Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Witty But Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

It was a typically British birth ... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward ... I came out in sympathy. — Bob Hope

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling — Robert Breault

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. — Edith Summerskill, Baroness Summerskill

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself. — George Burns

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang. — Amit Kalantri

I may just be on the outskirts of being okay. — Pawan Mishra

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? — Billy Connolly

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down! — Dave Chappelle

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. — Ogden Nash

You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now. — Derek Landy

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep. — James M. Loy

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer. — Mita Jain

Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. — Kate Upton

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. — Lloyd Alexander

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen. — Holly Hood

(About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. — Terry Pratchett

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. — Freddie Mercury

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Will Rogers

I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour. — Nancy Springer

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you. — Oscar Wilde

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker. — Robert De Niro

When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing ... — Hiroko Sakai

Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things. — James Dashner

I've often been criticised, but never critically wounded — Johnny Rich

How dare you. Do you have any idea who I am?" Laurence whined.
"I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. — Mark A. Cooper

The phone beeped - M fine but these two guys R on me like cougars on Adam Lambert. — Elisabeth Staab

Witty and mean is easy - but fond and funny is hard. — Steven Moffat

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable — Emma Goldrick

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful. — Amit Kalantri

You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. — Erica Jong

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent. — James Dashner

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! — Amanda Hudson

The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge. — Albert Einstein

Laurence the last time I saw something like you I flushed it away. — Mark A. Cooper

I love people; it's mankind I can't stand. — Charles M. Schulz

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese — Lucian Bane

Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week? — Pawan Mishra

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge. — Confucius

The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white. — Gail Carriger

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero. — Gaurav Rao

Men weigh love with hands. — Ljupka Cvetanova

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. — Zane Stumpo

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't. — Scott Adams