With Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about With Funny

With Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational With Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

He left the key in the ignition. No one was likely to come up here and steal the truck- and if anyone did ... well, he could deal with Charles — Patricia Briggs

Emma, okay, enough with the singing. Mommy's getting a three-pill headache. — Jeff Abbott

Gram was flirting with Ken! — Virginia Smith

You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car. — Harvey Diamond

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang. — Amit Kalantri

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant. — Dave Chappelle

I think being funny had something to do with feeling like an outsider, not feeling cool - insecurity. — Kumail Nanjiani

[the car] backfired a lot. Loud enough that when I drove in the wrong part of town and it let loose with a gas fart, people actually ducked for cover. — Adrienne Wilder

Why don't you say "What?" if you like to sleep with your own sister. — The Undertaker

I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing. — Emma Bunton

It's funny because being comedic and happy and lighthearted is who I am as a person, so they're easier emotions for me to connect with. — Lindsay Lohan

Leonard had let them go alone with the young boy who Ali was now convinced, was a couple falafel's short of a picnic — L.R. Currell

Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. — Charles Caleb Colton

Now, my intention was to drink just enough to dull the senses, but intentions should never be mixed with alcohol. — Kirt J. Boyd

Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually. — Rick Riordan

With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. — Kristen Wiig

The only real significance she had attached to the memory was that it was funny what stuck with you. — David Foster Wallace

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. — Tim Vine

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

I'm waiting with baited breath to hear that silver tongue of yours. — Jodie B. Cooper

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf. — Karl Pilkington

If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us? — Tina Fey

It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever, — Denis Leary

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth. — P.G. Wodehouse

And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me. — Molly Ivins

That is simply the most beautiful publishing office in the world, with that cranky old building in that wonderful park. — Jim Harrison

A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible. — Barack Obama

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net. — Russell Howard

I just like working with people that I respect and think are really funny. — Busy Philipps

Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes ... — L.J.Smith

Archbishop: "God is with us!"
William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!
We are victorious! — Arash Pakravesh

Sylvester Stallone is very funny and he's a great guy to hang out with. — Eric Roberts

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates. — Bauvard

I had a funny feeling that day, all day: something about how much I liked my life and where I was with it. — John Darnielle

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

I may not beleive in God, but I believe in guilt and no one wants to dick around with eternity, even if it isn't there. — Jonathan Tropper

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair. — Will Rogers

I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor ... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian. — Steve Carell

I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil. — Jim Norton

I've always surrounded myself with funny people. — Leslie Mann

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face. — Bauvard

Ever play 'mirror mirror on the wall' with two mirrors facing each other? — Josh Stern

It's funny how even when you've lived with someone your whole life, they can still surprise you. — Shannon Wiersbitzky

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me! — Jim Carrey

Funny enough, every role that I have had, I try to tone down my accent or speak with better diction. — Djimon Hounsou

Lovely, not only did the truck look like it was on its last leg, it was going to take the environment with it. — Adrienne Wilder

A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick. — Nicole McKay

It is a fact that even warming moments overwhelm me with despair, and this is why I am I. — Morrissey

I don't have a desire to do reality. Because my truth is not what people are responding to. My truth is funny; I laugh with my husband every day. — Niecy Nash

Time is funny lately, nothing to do with clocks. — Victor Lodato

I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material! — Wesley Snipes

By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pretty much. — Jemima Kirke

If you have spent any time with Barack Obama, you know he's a funny guy. He's a good guy. He knows sports. — Ed Rendell

The online music magazine Pitchfork once wrote that I would collaborate with anyone for a bag of Doritos. — David Byrne

The funny thing about mundies is how obsessed with magic they are for a bunch of people who don't even know what the word means. — Cassandra Clare

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain. — Ivan Stoikov

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. — Jon Stewart

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD. — Molly Harper

Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking." — David Letterman

I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!" — Mitch Hedberg

There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off.
"What is it with that guy?" Jay asked. "Always in a rush! — Greg Farshtey

He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money. — L. Frank Baum

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades. — Jim Norton

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" — Henny Youngman

I don't hold water with that theory — Ron Greenwood

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing. — Zach Galifianakis

Living with computers gives funny ideas. — Wim Crouwel

When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown. — Nora Dunn

And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing. — Jackie Kessler

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.
-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet

You catch more flies with honey, ever heard of that?" He shrugged. "I don't like flies. They're annoying." He grinned "I'd rather catch hell. — Heather Hildenbrand

She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche. — Larissa Ione

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook. — Bill Cosby

I came up with a good idea ... see-through skin. — Karl Pilkington

I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan

In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music. — Orson Scott Card

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. — Tammara Webber

Being good has nothing to do with being a Boy !!. Better is the latter! — Nelson Jack

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic. — Iliza Shlesinger

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper

We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here! — Jerry Coleman

My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money. — David Letterman

Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.' — David Letterman

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. — Dick Van Dyke

I cannot tell you how grateful I am - I am filled with humidity. — Gib Lewis

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths. — Kristen Schaal

she was enveloped by a wave of calm. Funny how just seeing the giant logo of an apple with a bite out of it did that to her. — Michelle Gagnon

Maybe that is why kids like Dumbledore: because he is funny rather than a miserable old sod with a long white beard. — Michael Gambon

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt." — Mitch Hedberg

I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things I got feedback on. — Lauren Graham

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! — Amanda Hudson

It's a battle with himself and with the ticking finger of the clock. — David Coleman

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. — P. J. O'Rourke

I do find things funny. When you see life through the eyes of someone with a good sense of humor, which my grandmother did, life is a human comedy. — George Takei

The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear's huge jaws. I wouldn't even try that with my agent. — Bob Hope

We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic. — Charles Barkley

Hmmm. Someone has a high opinion of himself. Comes with being royalty, I suppose. Like funny hats and a fondness for beheadings. — Brandon Sanderson

I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me. — Shannon L. Alder

The funny thing about writing is I think a lot of people assume that you're sitting in a garret with a quill pen for hour after hour. — Lincoln Child

I was always pretty funny with my friends. — Kenan Thompson