Vampire Humor Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Vampire Humor
Vampire Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Vampire Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
That's rich, coming from you, Hellcat, I would've thought it was impossible for a Vampire to get grey hairs until I met you! (Alexander)
— Sharon Hannaford
I entered his apartment without being invited, which is perfectly fine if you're not a vampire.
— Lisa Lutz
What kind of monster are you anyway? You should be more humane, Gennady!""I was humane when I was alive," said the vampire. — Sergei Lukyanenko
Right. I can see it now. Merry Christmas, everybody! And by the way, did I tell you I'm a vampire? No need to pass the gravy, just bare your neck-
— Kerrelyn Sparks
WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? THE MAN'S A VAMPIRE!Yeah, but he's a really, REALLY sexy one. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Yeah, I write Urban Fantasy, but its more like Die Hard or Indiana Jones with Fairies, Mummies and a Vampire who uses guns more than his teeth.
— Kevin James Breaux
You freaking bit me," I said, my voice hoarse. "You're lucky I don't call animal control.
— Jayde Scott
I can still feel my legs, thanks for asking. My back's not even hurt that badly. Only as though I was just hit by a train.
— Jayde Scott
This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."I frowned, "What's that?"
"Homework. — Richelle Mead
When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.
— Daven Anderson
Typically, I prefer to gag my own men. I'd never considered having them delivered to me that way.
— Dez Schwartz
Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid.
— Kim Harrison
Oh, shut up Hagan. I'm not doing it for you; I'm doing it for me. I don't want your blood getting all over my outfit.
— J.L. McCoy
So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me like a sacrificial offering into that vampire's coffin? - Shella
— Krista Alasti
I just didn't feel old enough to have children...I had my hands full with a vampire, thank you very much.
— L.J. Hayward
My God," Davis said, shaking his head. "The tools of the modern vampire hunter - electric lights and cocaine.
— Simon Clark
Um, she'll take your number if you're single
— J.L. McCoy
What's up with you? I can't remember when I've ever heard you so affected by a woman. Sure you didn't prong her with the sharps and the blunt?
— Laurie London
Playing with fire Kitten?
— Jeaniene Frost
Sorry. Didn't mean to step on any dead toes.
— J.L. McCoy
You walk like a duck with a wet diaper on.' Anita Blake Vampire Hunter — Laurell K. Hamilton
Vampire politics make the very complicated dance of manners that is werewolf protocol look like the Hokey Pokey.
— Patricia Briggs
I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they're out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like cheap candy.
— Daven Anderson
Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.
— Molly Harper
You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile.
— Rachel Caine
I'm glad to know you have a sense of humor." "I'm a vampire, not a zombie." "Good to know.
— Chloe Neill
Henry held up his taco- formerly Vlad's- and grinned. " Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius."pg248 Henry to Vlad & Joss — Heather Brewer
Join us next time for Days of the Undead when Rachel learns her long lost brother is really a crown prince from outer space.
— Kim Harrison
You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.
— Jeaniene Frost
I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.
— Jim Butcher
You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.
— Jeaniene Frost
A line of perspiration slipped down my spine like a waterslide at an unamusement park.
— Michelle Rowen
How does one address ... the master of the vampire executioners? My lord? Your grace? Your stakeness?
— Colleen Gleason
Seriously, I 've got to know if I need to protect you from people running with pencils." ~ Laney
— Joann I. Martin Sowles
As the middle child of the Laurel Canyon Adams Family, Whit was surprisingly chill on the subject of ampire-vays.
— M. Beth Bloom
The shirt says; 'I bite.' You prick, not 'I blo
— Antoinette Houston
The vampire who lived here was either a total loser or really liked the monster image. Really, if he couldn't be a rich vampire, then he was a moron.
— Caroline Hanson
I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
— Jim Butcher
I spent the next fifteen minutes convincing a crying werewolf that I wasn't going to hurt her. My life was getting too strange, even for me.
— Laurell K. Hamilton
Molesting the vampire while he's too weak to fight back, iz? jace asked. i'm pretty sure that violates at least one of the accords.
— Cassandra Clare
They'll torture you for months before killing you if you run Otis shrugged, as if this was an everyday occurrence.
— Heather Brewer
Very touching," said a voice from the stairway. "Do you want me to imitate a violin?" - Damon
— L.J.Smith
He's a he. I mean he's a guy. He's your mate. Oh my God you're gay!" Aleks exclaimed. Liam slapped himself on the forehead.
— Alanea Alder
Oh hell no," he exclaimed, shaking his head. "I'm not playing Buffy the goddamn Vampire Slayer with you.
— D.L. Wainright
It's not wrong to hustle hustlers. It's like killing murderers, a public service. -Damon Salvatore
— L.J.Smith
I left the Shire,got 7 outstanding N.E.W.T.'s
and became a Vampire;
Because Winter is Coming... — Various
I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby.
— J.L. McCoy
You look like the vamp who bled the cat.
— Kim Harrison
Great. There goes our security deposit."~ Sean — Dianne Duvall
Raphael laughed, and she threw a cookie at him. Of course, he caught it smoothly and tossed it back at her. Stupid vampire.
— D.B. Reynolds
What would a Mohammedan vampire do if faced with a cross?
— Richard Matheson
There goes the world's wimpiest vampire.
— Heather Swain
First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard.
— Jeaniene Frost
Oh for craps sake. You're not dying again, are you? It's seriously inconvenient when you do that. -Aphrodite
— P.C. Cast
Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes - 'Cuppa tea, cuppa tea ... almost got shagged ... cuppa tea'?
— Marti Noxon, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
— Derek Landy
Kitty need's a tounge bath
— Jeaniene Frost
I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren't literally made of fire.
— Michelle Rowen
The batteries in his radio died and came back so often they could have had regular roles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
— Nevada Barr
Nick: How? Are you a vampire or something? What made you immortal?Acheron: Real good DNA. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
The Bloodsucker Queen has lived for what, a millennium? She can wait on her decaying ass a little while longer.
— Heather Heffner
You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.
— Jeaniene Frost
Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas.
— Neil Gaiman
Can you enter a house uninvited?""No."
"Why?"
"That would be rude. — Abigail Gibbs
Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much?
— Jeaniene Frost
When it comes to love triangles and duels to the death, you should always cheat. - Fairy Werewolf vs. Zombie Vampire
— Charlie Jane Anders
It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal.
— Charlaine Harris
V.L.A.D.: Vampire League Against Discrimination.
— Carrie Vaughn
It didn't feel sporting to shoot at a crazy person, even if that person was a vampire who'd agreed to the job.
— Gail Carriger
You know those vampire myths? Bollocks to them.
— Rosemary A. Johns
Lovely Arra Sails,nectar to all males,
how I'd like to spear you like a whaler spears a whale! — Darren Shan
That's it? That's all that happens after you topple from grace? We lose our rubies and rations?" Marshall smirked. "Woe is me.
— Sophie Avett
I got the sneaking suspicion that the vampire was a couple of Peeps short of an Easter basket.
— Jim Butcher
I don't want to be your snack, your chew-toy, your fuck-buddy. Find a vampire to sink your fang into.
— Nalini Singh
Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree.
— Steve Aylett
Since I can't turn into a bat and fly, I'll still need my bus pass
— Daven Anderson