Tosh's Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Tosh's
Tosh's Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Tosh's quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
My excuse for everything is that I grew up in Florida.
— Daniel Tosh
Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
— Daniel Tosh
How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.
— Daniel Tosh
It's not a stereotype if it's always true.
— Daniel Tosh
Load of old tosh," said Peter, crossly.
— Neil Gaiman
Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party.
— Daniel Tosh
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
— Daniel Tosh
Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
— Daniel Tosh
I am good. I live good. I think good. I don't have to feel good to be good, I take my goodness wherever I go.
— Peter Tosh
God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.
— Daniel Tosh
It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!
— Daniel Tosh
You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.
— Daniel Tosh
I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.
— Daniel Tosh
How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?
— Daniel Tosh
I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.
— Daniel Tosh
If Canada were really that great, it would be a state.
— Daniel Tosh
Peace is a certificate you get in the grave.
— Peter Tosh
Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.
— Daniel Tosh
Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.
— Daniel Tosh
That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
— Daniel Tosh
E foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
— Daniel Tosh
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all
— Daniel Tosh
Sure I may look adjusted, but I can't function in normal society because most of you are too stupid.
— Daniel Tosh
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
— Daniel Tosh
I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.
— Daniel Tosh
I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.
— Daniel Tosh
I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.
— Daniel Tosh
Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.
— Daniel Tosh
Describe your perfect man who looks like me ...
— Daniel Tosh
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
— Daniel Tosh
I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
— Daniel Tosh
I have no real talents. If I could make a living at a normal job, I'm sure I would do that.
— Daniel Tosh
My publisher, who was so good as a taster and editor, when she became a writer, lo and behold, it was all this feminine tosh.
— V.S. Naipaul
I can say that. I have a television show.
— Daniel Tosh
Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
— Daniel Tosh
One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.
— Daniel Tosh
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
— Daniel Tosh
I man don't come red, I come Black
— Peter Tosh
I wasn't a pain in the ass when I was a kid. So I think being a screw-up as an adult is way more acceptable.
— Daniel Tosh
Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle's no. They're not allowed.
— Daniel Tosh
Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
— Daniel Tosh
I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am.
— Daniel Tosh
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
— Daniel Tosh
Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.
— Daniel Tosh
I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.
— Daniel Tosh
A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.
— Daniel Tosh
People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
— Daniel Tosh
Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.
— Daniel Tosh
Face down, ass up, that's the way we both got stuck
— Daniel Tosh
You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.
— Daniel Tosh
To be coordinated with the power of balance, your mind and your temple must be running parallel.
— Peter Tosh
You never see anyone wearing a black turtleneck and leather jacket doing something nice.
— Daniel Tosh
Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.
— Daniel Tosh
My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had ... so he sent me to a girls school.
— Daniel Tosh
I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
— Daniel Tosh
