Tommy Funny Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Tommy Funny

Tommy Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Tommy Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it' — Tommy Cooper

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. — Tommy Cooper

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". — Tommy Cooper

I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians. — Tommy Lasorda

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns. — Tommy Cooper

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. — Tommy Chong

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed. — Tommy Cooper

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' — Tommy Cooper

It's so funny because no matter what you say, fans only read and hear what they want. — Tommy Lee

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'. — Tommy Cooper

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster". — Tommy Cooper

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?" — Tommy Cooper

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners. — Tommy Cooper

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died." — Tommy Cooper

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise. — Tommy Bolt

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four. — Tommy Cooper

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair. — Tommy Cooper

Talking about your troubles is no good. Eighty percent of your friends don't care and the rest are glad. — Tommy Lasorda

If I don't get at least 1 email in any given hour, I begin to think my friends are conspiring against me. — Tommy James

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted. — Tommy Cooper

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away. — Tommy Cooper

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before. — Tommy Cooper

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. — Tommy Cooper

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. — Tommy Cooper

I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. — Tommy Chong

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?' — Tommy Cooper

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. — Tommy Cooper

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." — Tommy Cooper

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas. — Tommy Cooper

Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were musicians that were funny. — Tommy Chong

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper