Toilet Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Toilet

Toilet Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Toilet quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When they took TV to Fiji they found that after 3 years nearly 12 girls out of 100 were over the toilet bowls with bulimia because they felt inferior. — Susie Orbach

We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat! — J.K. Rowling

The Pacific is the best toilet for satellites. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

It's never a good day when an ancient demon shows up on your toilet bowl. — Angie Fox

The Police Minister's toilet chided him — Neal Stephenson

I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience. — Evan Osnos

Sometimes, to relieve stress, he would soak his feet in the toilet, a practice that was not as soothing for his collegues. — Walter Isaacson

There's no place like home. And there's no toilet like your own. — Taylor York

Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.
We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.
George!
Only joking, Mum. — J.K. Rowling

Sexy, no alcoholic, but she drink like a toilet. Told her do me a favor and put your mouth on this faucet. — Young Jeezy

Great rolls of toilet paper arc like ejaculate through the black sycamores. — Garth Risk Hallberg

I have played in every toilet but you still want to spoil it to prove I've made a big mistake — Muse

that none of the locks on the toilet stalls in the common restroom worked. — Stuart Gibbs

If you can see the handwriting on the wall ... you're on the toilet. — Redd Foxx

I was photographing every meal I ate, every person I met, every waiter or waitress who served me, every bed I slept in, every toilet I used. — Stephen Shore

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour. — Adrian Edmondson

New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. — Thomas Jefferson

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open ... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant. — Carlos Mencia

Remember, if you write anything nasty about me, I'll come around and blow up your toilet. — Courtney Love

I felt like a toilet frog during the last three decades of the preceding century. (38) — Frans De Waal

What good is it if you read Plato and never clean your toilet? asked my mother, reverting to the values of Jubilee. — Alice Munro

As long as you have sufficient toilet paper, how far wrong can life go? — Sue Grafton

You're asking the government to control individual morality. This is a government that can't buy a toilet seat for under $600. — Peter McWilliams

Right now I'm scoring goals and I'm the king of the world. And a couple weeks ago I was almost in the toilet. So maybe you just forget to flush me. — Alexander Ovechkin

I can't do it, if I finish that, I'll have to attach a seat belt to the toilet.
Maybe an airbag too. — J.A. Konrath

I don't like a clever toilet looking at our butts. — Emma Donoghue

The flush toilet, more than any single invention, has 'civilized' us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish. — Thomas Lynch

People who go to the Opera, they don't go to the toilet, not even at home. — Martin Amis

Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. — Rex Reed

Yo momma's breath smells so bad I don't know if I should give her a Tic Tac or a piece of toilet paper. Yo — THE CLOWN FACTORY

With what hope can we endeavor to persuade the ladies that the time spent at the toilet is lost in vanity. — Samuel Johnson

Spending one's last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. — Bauvard

I walk into rooms and I don't know why I'm there. I'm like, 'Why am I standing in front of the toilet now?' — Matthew Broderick

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper. — Billy Wilder

Toilet paper is a right, not a privilege, — John Ringo

Operation Find A Toilet Before It Was Too Late was in full swing. — Gabrielle Tozer

I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat — Andy Warhol

Replaying her words in my head, I could feel my face redden again.
I wanted to flush my head down the toilet. — Mark Peter Hughes

Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.' — Bill Maher

Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. — Shaquille O'Neal

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. — Joey Bishop

Nothing reminds one of how shitty inequality is more often than the fact that there are companies who make and people who use 1-ply toilet papers. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I cut coupons, love specials and believe in buying toilet paper and toothpaste in bulk. It's just who I am. — Hilary Swank

The aunts' conception of the right to privacy went far enough to allow you to close the toilet door when you were peeing, but no further. — Zen Cho

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth. — Rob Delaney

It's like leaving the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper hanging from my pants. — Krista Ritchie

When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed. — Jennifer Aniston

Go ahead then. Might as well wipe your ass with a doomed office romance before you flush your career down the toilet. You know it'll happen. — Claire Gillian

All my good reading, you might say, was done in the toilet. — Henry Miller

I lived on Fulton Street in an enormous studio - I needed a bicycle to get to the toilet, about half a mile between two streets - next to Wall Street. — Erro

This is THE most romantic thing that has ever happened to me, and it involves both drugs and a toilet. — Katie Heaney

Wow, he must get more ass than a toilet seat! — Kresley Cole

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! — Tommy Cooper

Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much we have. — Alicia Silverstone

If you drop your Kindle in the toilet, you're done. — Stephen King

Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come. — Woody Allen

Fine, but if you get yourself killed I reserve the right to flush your ashes down the toilet while I sing the theme from Titanic. — Quinn Loftis

Trust me-that toilet and me were best friends for the first few days I was here. — Alexander Gordon Smith

I wrote my first book in a toilet in a factory where I was a floor sweeper. — Geoff Thompson

If we all had what we wanted to eat ... We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry. — Jim Thompson

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. — Megan Fox

You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet. — Kami Garcia

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet. — Uma Thurman

Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show. — Eric Carr

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under. — Al Yankovic

I always have my best thoughts on the toilet. — Charlie Day

I'm probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do. — Frank Zappa

Ozzy's cage is now sparkling but there is a problem. It seems that if you put vast quantities of sawdust down a toilet, the toilet stops working. — J.A. Buckle

Marriage was nothing but a lot of dirty dishes and pee sprinkled on your toilet seat. With — Tarryn Fisher

I have always had a ridiculous fear that I will walk into the bathroom one morning and find a python in my toilet. — Lisa Graff

We are now in the 21st century: all books, including the Koran, should be fair game for flushing down the toilet without fear of violent reprisal. — Sam Harris

But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet. — Deb Caletti

I couldn't help but notice no one was grabbing toilet paper. That would be the first thing I grabbed if I thought it was the end of the world — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Crap was not a bad word. It was the shortened name of the marketing genius of the best known flush toilet, John Crapper. Really. — Faith Hunter

He was the first guy to find toilet paper in my butt. — Hilary Winston

It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline. — George Lindsey

What a relief. I didn't have to check the toilet for anything or the light bulbs or the phone. It was just good old-fashioned friendship. — Julia Roberts

The only thing I use the Rolling Stone for is toilet paper when I run out. — Neal Schon

Humans, in the day that has been the Earth, have been here for less than a minute. We're a late-night piss in the toilet, that's all we are. — Matt Haig

When I have diarrhea I sit backwards on the toilet, because I like to face my enemy before I destroy it. — Sarah Palin

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. — Rita Rudner

By 1951, eight million homes had been declared unfit for habitation, of which seven million had no hot water and six million no inside toilet. — John Grindrod

Seriously, she'd been tricked into bringing him toilet paper on the crapper too many times not to know he was a little shortsighted. — Debra Anastasia

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats. — Zach Braff

One time I tried to use the bathroom in the dark, and I missed the toilet, and I fell on the floor. — Rita Ora

She was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat: — Tucker Max

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. — Joseph Epstein

Are you really going to let a toilet stand in the way of you and financial independence? — Robert Kiyosaki

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself. — Bob Saget

My kingdom for a flush toilet. — Lisa Tawn Bergren

It's an alien toilet!" -Cassie — Katherine Applegate

The world is divided up into two kinds of people - those who look at their body waste in the toilet bowl, and those who don't. — John Gregory Dunne

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed. — Jennifer Aniston

I would rather get a PhD than stand to reach for toilet paper. Though some readers might emphasize the similarities between the two activities. — Rhoda Janzen

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. — Peter Kay

and soon the cat was in the toilet. — Soman Chainani

My aunt in Knoxville would bring newspapers up, which we used for toilet paper. Before we used it, we'd look at the pictures. — Dolly Parton

Marla said, This isn't like when guys sit backward on the toilet and pretend it's a motorcycle. This is a genuine accident. — Chuck Palahniuk

Rafe was trying to convince an older couple that they needed an extra toilet. — James Patterson

Make your life like toilet paper. Long and usefull. — Wolfgang Riebe