The Day Funny Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about The Day Funny
The Day Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational The Day Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.
— Jean De La Bruyere
As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do"
— Robert Breault
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
— Tommy Cooper
Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.
— Robert Breault
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
— Rodney Dangerfield
It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.
— Lady Victoria Hervey
The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home.
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
— Tommy Cooper
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.
— Jerry Seinfeld
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.
— Kristen Schaal
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
— George Carlin
He also gave me some advice that I follow to this day: Sing in the mirror. If it looks funny, it's wrong.
— Renee Fleming
It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not.
— Sean Astin
I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.
— Frankie Boyle
You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.
— Craig Ferguson
Endure for another day, Mister Tannen, and you'll have all the foul black misuse of water you can drink.
— Scott Lynch
If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.
— Shannon L. Alder
One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
— Adam Ferrara
Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
— Honore Gabriel Riqueti, Comte De Mirabeau
I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother.
— Charlie Day
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
— Will Rogers
As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.
— Lord Chesterfield
Funny how the nature of a normal day is the first memory to fade.
— Lionel Shriver
Isn't it funny how the slightest glance or the tiniest touch can ameliorate the discomforts of even the coldest day.
— Patrick Stevens
I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes.
— Kevin Hart
I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.
— Steven Wright
Lettuce mustard our strength, celery-brate and have bun while I scream, relish the day!
— Tom Althouse
Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky - then toss your phone into the bushes.
— Waylon H. Lewis
I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.
— Magic Johnson
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
— Zach Galifianakis
To say my day was not going well, would be like saying the French Revolution had been a bit troublesome for Marie Antoinette.
— Nichole Chase
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
— Tommy Cooper
What about Monday? That could be our one day we look at things the same way, and wear funny shoes.
— Kevin Dalton
I will do comedy until the day I die: inappropriate comedy, funny comedy, gender-bending, twisting comedy, whatever comedy is out there.
— Sandra Bullock
They want to talk to you tomorrow.""Tomo ... " Chase choked on the word. "As in the day after today?"
"Is there any other kind? — Adrienne Wilder
It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
— Lewis Black
I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.
— Rowan Atkinson
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
— Jeff Foxworthy
Judging by everyone's excitement, this day will always be remembered at the loading dock as the day 'Larry made it on the internet'.
— Brandon Stanton
What smells good may not always taste good, I leaned this the day I tried to eat a scented candle.
— Kenny D. Eichenberg
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris
It's funny because I grew up with the T.V. on 24 hours a day. And the more money I made, the more T.V.s we had.
— Gaby Hoffmann
I've seen all the Judd Apatow movies, and I'd love to have a really funny little part in one of them some day.
— Miranda Cosgrove
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway.
— Solange Nicole
May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch
— Keisha Keenleyside
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."
— Zach Galifianakis
Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day?
— J.R.R. Tolkien
In the morning, people have a plan for that day. Hardworking people think of what they will do during the day, and idle people on what they should do.
— Eraldo Banovac
If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater.
— Steve Coogan
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
— Seth MacFarlane
How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?
— Carroll Bryant
CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun ... and live to tell about it the next day.
— Ronda Thompson
If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day.
— H. L. Hunt
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
— David Letterman
Ohh, how clever," Aden said and clapped. "A death threat. You know what's funny? That's not even my first of the day.
— Gena Showalter
Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day.
— Jennifer Aniston
On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."
— Yogi Berra
Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ...
— E.A. Bucchianeri
Obviously she's the kind of woman who gives people the benefit of the doubt. I prefer to assume bad stuff first; correct it later.
— Heather Day Gilbert
Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.
— Jerry Coleman
When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the streets, and people die every day, there's nothing funny about it.
— Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day!
— Terry Pratchett
It's funny how people who we fight with the most at the end of day are the ones that really got your back.
— Jasmine V
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
— Steven Wright
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
— Phyllis Diller
It's funny how things change slowly, until the day we realize they've changed completely.
— Nancy Gibbs
Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Wakin' up to find another day. The moon got lost again last night, but now the sun has finally had its say.
— Gwen Stefani
This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.
— Kristen Schaal
Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them.
— Steve Coogan
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.
— Timothy J. Russert