The Best Funny Marriage Quotes: top 34 famous quotes about The Best Funny Marriage

The Best Funny Marriage Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational The Best Funny Marriage quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole. — John Mortimer

No comedian's wife thinks he's funny. The first few years of the marriage, maybe. I was funny as hell the first couple of years. — Tom Smothers

Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important. — Lisa Hoffman

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure! — Oscar Wilde

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. — E.W. Howe

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. — Kinky Friedman

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button. — Rick Reilly

Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. — Russell M. Nelson

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say. — Alfred Hitchcock

Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women. — Gloria Steinem

Every man should marry - and no woman — Benjamin Disraeli

I like marriage. The idea. — Toni Morrison

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich. — Habeeb Akande

If I ever mary, it will be on a suddn impulse - as aman shoots himself — H.L. Mencken

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams — Jim Carrey

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. — Woody Allen

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. — Minnie Pearl

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham. — Dorothy Parker

The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases. — Nia Vardalos

Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks. — Bauvard

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there. — Carol Leifer

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you. — Kristen Schaal

Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out. — Rich Vos

It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife ! — Akbar

One's fantasy goes for a walk and returns with a bride. — Bernard Malamud

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series. — Bob Hope

Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity. — Friedrich Nietzsche

An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce. — Ann Landers

The Equal Rights Amendment would "turn holy wedlock into holy deadlock." — William Rehnquist

The lot of the bride
to be wed before bed
desired until rotten.
The lot of the author
to be read before bed
admired then forgotten. — Roman Payne