The Best Funny Christmas Quotes: top 35 famous quotes about The Best Funny Christmas

The Best Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational The Best Funny Christmas quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

In order to make the egoism non-existent [zero], the Gnani Purush [the enlightened one] establishes the awareness of the Pure Soul within. — Dada Bhagwan

The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho. — Kiersten White

Christmas without a murder plot is like a day without giant spiders eaten orphans" (quote on my special gift holiday mugs) — Roma Gray

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield

As long as you can walk, you will find a walking stick. As long as you are brave, someone will help you. — Nina George

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. — Publilius Syrus

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it. — Carroll Bryant

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin — Bill Watterson

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik

always think what we're doing is humane, — Hamish Hamilton

Madison patted Zoe's head as if to say, "good puppy" as she turned the doorknob and opened the door. — John Kloepfer

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! — Rodney Dangerfield

My mother gave me a ukulele at age eight, and I sang the popular tunes of the day. — Pete Seeger

What's in that pipe that he's smoking? — Arlo Guthrie

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? — Conan O'Brien

It's funny to think that Christmas - a time known for its joyful togetherness - can be the loneliest time of the year for some. — Giovanna Fletcher

Sierra, it's Christmastime. Put a stupid mistletoe over his head and kiss him already! — Jay Asher

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. — Andy Borowitz

This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen. — Richelle Mead

The woman who died night after night
and her dying was a long goodbye,
a train that never left. — Octavio Paz

What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap? — Ian O'Doherty

It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest. — Richelle Mead

Snarl must love Christmas as much as me, I decided. — Rachel Cohn

Grindstone III. The Shadow IV. Calm in Storm V. The Wood-Sawyer VI. — Charles Dickens

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. — Andy Borowitz

I think 'Elf' is funny, with Will Ferrell. That's a great Christmas movie. — Robert Osborne

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear

My breath is coming too hard. I want to cry. To scream. To die. — Ally Carter

The water is DEEP AND DARK AND DANGEROUS — Mary Downing Hahn

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. — Andy Borowitz

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. — P. J. O'Rourke

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December. — Louis C.K.

God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups. — Oliver Markus

Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past. — Terry Alderton

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do! — Lisa Lampanelli