That Not Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about That Not Funny

That Not Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational That Not Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot! — Mitch Hedberg

I look crazy, but I'm not. And the funny thing is, that other people don't look crazy, but they are. — Eden Ahbez

Not that it isn't great to see you. But it's not so great for you. What'd you do wrong? Laugh at his dick? — Margaret Atwood

Always warm up the audience with a joke ... If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke ... — Jacob M. Appel

The biggest problem of all is that it's very difficult to tell my daughter, 'Swearing is not clever or funny,' because I earn a living by swearing. — Peter Capaldi

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created. — Mitch Hedberg

To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct. — John Waters

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny. — Adam McKay

I'm not a quick wit. I'm only funny on paper. I mean, I'm not totally humorless! It's just that in person, I'm not quite the way I am on paper. — Mary Roach

But it's funny how you can take something that turns out to be fatal and classify it as not worth fixing. — Catherine Ryan Hyde

There's news that happens in different spheres and can be made just as funny, but it's not necessarily in the normal news medium. — Trevor Noah

The table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise. — Lemony Snicket

- and you'll remember, when they ask you your religion, that you're a Cath'lic. Better say Roman Cath'lic, tho' I'm not fond of the word. — Rudyard Kipling

I was just thinking that he might be willing. It's not like he needs his semen. — Buffy Andrews

Your name. That's all I want. I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours. — Colleen Hoover

It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very small snack foods. — Geraldine Ferraro

If Damon Wayans is not breaking, it's a miracle. He is so funny that he makes everyone die laughing. — Casey Wilson

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' — Tommy Cooper

I've never gotten to do romantic comedy like most of the girls. Maybe because I'm fit, people assume that I'm not funny? — Jessica Biel

Took me a while to get to the point today, but that is because I did not know what the point was when I started. — William Safire

If you do a Western that's funny, there's no way people don't call it a spoof or a parody, even though it may not be. — Adam McKay

I want to do drama - no one really sees that. People just think I'm the funny guy and I can't do anything else, and that's just not true. — Mark Indelicato

It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that. I don't want to be that. — Kellan Lutz

Who would want him? he asks himself. Certainly not Ahana, who's funny, bright and so beautiful that it hurts. — Durjoy Datta

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.' — Steven Wright

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver. — Dave Barry

For it is written that if the wise man appears always stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise. — Christopher Moore

I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it. — Patti LaBelle

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. — Carol Burnett

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better — Milton Jones

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it? — Eddie Izzard

Funny how you can measure time by pets that were not even your own. — Lori Lansens

A typical triumph of modern science to find the only part of Randolph that was not malignant and remove it. — Evelyn Waugh

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern

About mistakes it's funny. You got to make your own; and not only that, if you try to keep people from making theirs they get mad. — Edna Ferber

What most readers do not realize is that it takes a particular genius to write funny, to satirize. — F. Sionil Jose

A lot of the things I say I'm just trying to be funny ... I don't really mean everything I say, because I'm not totally that airhead. — Paris Hilton

Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I said." — Yogi Berra

You've got a big ego, Fuentes."
"That's not all I've got. — Simone Elkeles

There have been man-on-the-street interviews for years, but insulting people is not that funny to me. — Billy Eichner

I think maybe to survive, I mean to just get through the day - I'm not saying that everything is hilariously funny. — Roz Chast

Life is a mighty joke that is not meant to be funny. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

and I had come to this country where I could laugh, so gently, gently laugh at things that were actually not funny. — Catherine Lacey

So, deadpan I think just means not acknowledging for one second that you think that this is funny and clever. — Patrick Warburton

Anxiety in human life is what squeaking and grinding are in machinery that is not oiled. In life, trust is the oil. — Henry Ward Beecher

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting. — Bob Hope

That really was NOT fun, though. Well, the hitting-her-with-a-stick part, that was fun. But crashing into a concrete bear? NOT fun. — Rick Riordan

It's not surprising that you wouldn't see that side of me on television, but in real life I find the world to be quite a funny place. — Gwen Ifill

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly. — Doug Stanhope

She promised herself that from now on she would try to sit as close to Neal as possible. She could not kick someone eight chairs away. — Tamora Pierce

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food". — Carla H. Krueger

What the dev - er, deuce did you do that for? It hurt!"
"Good," said the angel. "I was afraid these new shoes would not be sturdy enough. — Anne Gracie

I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one. — Cameron Diaz

Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. — William Goldman

Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife. — Mark Watson

It's not that I can't express myself,
it's that I still feel present when I'm not expressing myself. — Kim Myungsoo

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. — Rita Rudner

It sounds funny, but my biggest fear is that I'm not perfect. I'm a perfectionist, and I get upset when things go wrong or when I don't do well. — Nick Jonas

If boys say something that's not funny, you don't have to laugh. — Amy Poehler

Ohh, how clever," Aden said and clapped. "A death threat. You know what's funny? That's not even my first of the day. — Gena Showalter

Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny. — Maynard James Keenan

I did not know that we had ever quarreled. — Henry David Thoreau

You have to really believe not only in yourself; you have to believe that the world is actually worth your sacrifices. — Zaha Hadid

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. — Marilyn Monroe

Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."
"Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment? — E.A. Bucchianeri

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone. — James M. Barrie

I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler. — Mitch Hedberg

So does that mean if you won't fuck me because I'm high, I could fuck you because you're not? — K.A. Mitchell

If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away. — Greg Proops

His appearance projected danger and reinforced the common knowledge that one did not want to piss off a demon, especially this one. — Kiersten Fay

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all. — Jimmy Fallon

I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one's intensity is funny. — Jim Dine

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny. — Gilbert Gottfried

There is only one thing worse than training employees and losing them,
and that's not training them and keeping them — Zig Ziglar

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course ... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. — Steve Coogan

I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel. — Sarah Silverman

Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That's me: I'm not that. — Anonymous

It's not hard to fail ... it's hard to accept you failed ... but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing — Josh Stern

Everything that glitters more than gold is not gold. — Raheel Farooq

Don't be so humble - you are not that great. — Golda Meir

Toto was not gray; he was a little black dog, with long silky hair and small black eyes that twinkled merrily on either side of his funny, wee nose. — L. Frank Baum

You look like a hot tamale."
"That's not really a compliment. — Simone Elkeles

Not that that's the goal, but sometimes these funny insights can also be deeply profound. — Ted Alexandro

That's the funny thing about trying to escape. You never really can. Maybe temporarily, but not completely. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much."
"Dick. That's not what you said last night."
"Bite me. — Rachel Caine

I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny. — Dane Cook

You're not worried about being compromised, are you?" he asked. "Because I've already done that. — Lisa Kleypas

The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to suck a dose of Coke while reading a paperback. — Nicholson Baker

My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not. — Anna Held

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' — Susan Sarandon

I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them. — Jennifer Echols

Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know. — Michael Hogan

If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp
That's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary

You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous. — Neil Gaiman

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not — Ellen DeGeneres

We have allowed the system to be so corrupted that many want justice to be "empathetic," not blind. — Glenn Beck

I'd like to say I'm not dressed up for anyone in particular, but that would be a lie. — Lisa Daily

I think you should know that real-life white people are not all as funny as the ones on 'Seinfeld'. — Aaron McGruder

It seemed that it was not only live magicians which Mr. Norrell despised. He had taken the measure of all the dead ones too and found them wanting. — Susanna Clarke

Often it's not we who shape words, but the words we use that shape us." "You're a funny bookseller, you — Nina George