Stanhope Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Stanhope
Stanhope Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Stanhope quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I am 42 years old and I have $9000, and I am out of ideas. I've nothing to spend it on. I'm bored shitless. I will die with that $9000.
— Doug Stanhope
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
— Doug Stanhope
I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee.
— Doug Stanhope
Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?
— Doug Stanhope
Pussy really is the ultimate motivator of all mankind. No, don't clap, this is a flaw in the system!
— Doug Stanhope
Idleness is only the refuge of weakminds, and the holiday of fools. — Philip Dormer Stanhope
There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.
— Doug Stanhope
Ridicule is the best test of truth.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.
— Doug Stanhope
The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.
— Doug Stanhope
I recommend you take care of the minutes: for hours take care of themselves
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
Take care of the minutes and the hours will take care of themselves
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
Dispatch is the soul of business.
— Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.
— Doug Stanhope
If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?
— Doug Stanhope
I assisted at the birth of that most significant word "flirtation," which dropped from the most beautiful mouth in the world.
— Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
I shall go on making sublime and philosophical discoveries, and employing myself in deep, abstract studies.
— Lady Hester Stanhope
If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.
— Doug Stanhope
I need you to love me, I don't like me, either, if that helps.
— Doug Stanhope
Mutations are exciting, there aren't nearly enough of them.
— Doug Stanhope
There is nothing that people bear more impatiently, or forgive less, than contempt; and an injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.
— Doug Stanhope
There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
— Doug Stanhope
A poor gentlewoman, doctor, is the worst thing in the world
— Lady Hester Lucy Stanhope
What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.
— Doug Stanhope
In those days he was wiser than he is now - he used frequently to take my advice.
— Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
Old people always tell you: 'When you've been around as long I have, then you can argue.' As soon as they're ripped off, it's a different story.
— Doug Stanhope
When I used to drive on the road from L. A., one time in Arizona we went off-road to see what weird little towns are around. Loved Bisbee.
— Doug Stanhope
He's my usual type of fan ... a school shooter who didn't have bullets and now he's all awkward and alone.
— Doug Stanhope
Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?
— Doug Stanhope
Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.
— Doug Stanhope
If you're in high-school and you're not having fun, quit.
— Doug Stanhope
It's our flaws who make us who we are.
— Doug Stanhope
Honest error is to be pitied not ridiculed.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.
— Doug Stanhope
I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.
— Doug Stanhope
When you come out of that pink ugly hole onto this planet you're nothing but a gooey shrieking wrinkled ball of weakness.
— Doug Stanhope
Remember, as long as you live, that nothing but strict truth can carry you through the world, with either your conscience or your honor unwounded.
— Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want.
— Doug Stanhope
Did you ever try to sleep sober?
— Doug Stanhope
Children are like poems. They're beautiful to their creators
but to others they're just silly and fucking annoying. — Doug Stanhope
Excess in moderation: don't drink a few beers every day after work, wait 'till the end of the month and drink all the beers at once.
— Doug Stanhope
I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.
— Doug Stanhope
Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.
— Doug Stanhope
In seeking wisdom thou art wise; in imagining that thou hast attained it - thou art a fool.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
Get the right to marry - and then don't.
— Doug Stanhope
My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?
— Doug Stanhope
I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
— Doug Stanhope
We have no healthcare and we have all the guns in the world, it makes you think twice before you start throwing punches in a bar.
— Doug Stanhope
Whatever worth doing at all is worth doing well.
— Pillip D.Stanhope
I don't like life that much. It's not that big a deal for me ... I don't want to know I have cancer till it's visible to the naked eye.
— Doug Stanhope
My roses are my jewels, the sun and moon my clocks, fruit and water my food and drink.
— Hester Lucy Stanhope
I have no fear of death, except I hate waiting for it.
— Doug Stanhope
The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.
— Doug Stanhope
Let blockheads read what blockheads wrote.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.
— Doug Stanhope
I used to do boiler room telemarketing for a living, like hardcore fraud stuff that gets busted on 60 Minutes every week.
— Doug Stanhope
Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
— Doug Stanhope
Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons.
— Doug Stanhope
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
— Doug Stanhope
"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.
— Doug Stanhope
America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It's like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box.
— Doug Stanhope
All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself.
— Doug Stanhope
Many a man would rather you heard his story than grant his request.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
Sex is free fun for poor people.
— Doug Stanhope
I don't know. Both my parents are dead. So? Wait, I got pictures of their corpses in my wallet. I had them blown up as murals. Here.
— Doug Stanhope
High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.
— Doug Stanhope
If you're going to kill yourself just do me one favor: say it was because of my act. Can you do that? I need the press.
— Doug Stanhope
So you stick something up your ass, and you hope it might work, and it usually helps.
— Doug Stanhope
Some people just join the military because they need college money. Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.
— Doug Stanhope
However it happened, you are my wife and I am grateful. I look at you and I know you were worth waiting for.- Sebastian Stanhope — Diana Quincy
If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.
— Doug Stanhope
Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress.
— Doug Stanhope
What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.
— Doug Stanhope
What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.
— Doug Stanhope
If I was a freak of nature ... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall.
— Doug Stanhope
A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
When a person is in fashion, all they do is right.
— Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
When you consider the overpopulation in this world ... homosexuality is completely underrated in this society.
— Doug Stanhope
Any affectation whatsoever in dress implies, in my mind, a flaw in the understanding.
— Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl Of Chesterfield
Statistical high Vegas odds probability is that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you in your entire boring life.
— Doug Stanhope
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.
— Doug Stanhope
Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.
— Doug Stanhope
You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do.
— Doug Stanhope
The characteristic of a well-bred man is, to converse with his inferiors without insolence, and with his superiors with respect and with ease.
— Doug Stanhope
The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.
— Doug Stanhope
Coward is the most misused word in our society.
— Doug Stanhope
