Sleep Humor Quotes: top 88 famous quotes about Sleep Humor

Sleep Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Sleep Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Rest. Heal. Sleep. I shall most likely kill you on the morrow."
"You? A Princess Bride quote?" I croaked.
"What is that?" she asked. — Jim Butcher

I never was so immensely tickled by anything I had ever said before. I actually woke up twice during the night, and laughed till the bed shook. — George Grossmith

Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning. — Mohammed Hanif

I don't understand how I can always want to sleep, hate waking up, and yet be afraid of death. — Mike Heil

Sleep with one eye open and one hand on the jewels. — Madelaine Montague

A tiger only needs three things to be comfortable. Lots of food, sleep, and ... actually, no it's just those two things. — Colleen Houck

Boy needs to get a good night's sleep. Otherwise, he'll be lucky to get accepted at SUNY-So Far Upstate You Might As Well Be In Canada, eh? — Rachel Cohn

I sleep on my face, and then it does not frighten anybody in the morning. — Ernest Hemingway,

Certainty. Life's last and kindest gift. — Milan Kundera

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. — Rita Rudner

Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep. — Bauvard

Goodnight baby, sleep in peace. After you kill that bitch!"
"Goodnight mom! — Sherrilyn Kenyon

My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o'clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep. — Oscar Wilde

Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist. — Laurie Notaro

Are you always so cynical?' said Angelica.
'No,' said Katherine. 'Sometimes I'm asleep. — Sam Byers

Good plan," Freddy was saying. "Let's get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething. — Ali Sparkes

But sometimes it takes only a photograph and a sentence to make an author cry himself to sleep even years after the photograph was taken. — Lemony Snicket

Damn Lyric, it isn't torture. It's travel. Get some sleep."
- Sabine — J.W. Ellis

Wow, you're never allowed to sleep late again. You're crankier than a fat guy in stilettos. — Maggie Stiefvater

Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town? — Sloane Crosley

I like pancakes! And I have a gun. I shoot bad guys with it. Sometimes, bad guys go to sleep and don't wake up. That makes Harley sad. — Stephen Jenner

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

Sleep. It's like sex. You know it's good, but you don't know just how good until you're not getting any. — R.J. Keller

If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr'd from dreams? — Benny Bellamacina

But immobilizing darts don't bring on sleep gently, like a good cup of tea; they knock out like a bottle of hard liquor straight up. — Yann Martel

In the first years of our lives we learn how to shit, talk, walk, sleep, eat and, most importantly, how to royally piss off our parents. — A.G. Phillips

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them. — Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world's best ventriloquist. — Michael Summers

God kills a kitten every time a girl
masturbates. Save a kitten - sleep
with me."

- Caine Deathwalker — Morgan Blayde

Besides, i'm a cat. i respect the sanctity of sleep. — Serpent's Shadow Rick Riordan

I sleep hard; I dream harder! — Maria Bamford

Where does a werewolf sleep? Anywhere he wants to. — Patricia Briggs

I needed sleep. Big squishy bunches of it. Soon. — Devon Monk

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress. — Rachel Caine

But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake. — Derek Landy

When the boogie man goes to sleep he checks his closet for me — Chuck Norris

Do you sleep naked? — Becca Fitzpatrick

Before you go,mate,turn on the telly. Something raunchy too. Think I'll rub off one before I go to sleep — Jeaniene Frost

I had a dream about you last night ... Well I say dream I mean nightmare ... you were a Yankee fan. — Nicole McKay

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. — Henny Youngman

Food," I suggested. "Sleep. That's what I need. To get the hell away from here."
Cole frowned at me, as if I'd suggested "ducks" and "yoga". — Maggie Stiefvater

I love to sleep. My astrological sign is the sloth. — Julie Schumacher

If you're gonna do something tonight that you'll regret tomorrow morning, sleep late — Henny Youngman

7 hour sleep diet worked great. Will power held beautifully. — Steve Martin

Will you sleep with me?" he asked softly, before grinning suddenly. "In the tub? — Shelly Crane

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.
-'Rhett — Rowena Cherry

A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine. — Ray Bradbury

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car. — Craig Benzine

Sullen monosyllabism, a sure sign of sleep deprivation. — Jim Butcher

My eyelids felt like had tiny but chubby sleep faeries hanging on the lashes and pulling them closed — John Corwin

Am I on your walk of shame? You did sleep with the right MacGregor, didn't you? — Michelle M. Pillow

I had a dream about you last night ... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive. — Nicole McKay

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face. — Bauvard

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out. — Mitch Hedberg

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I'm very well endowed. — Bauvard

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on — Josh Stern

What ... what about when I'm married?"
"We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits. — Stephanie Perkins

Dad, is she serious?"
John shrugged. "I argue with your Mama, I sleep on the couch and she doesn't feed me. So i dont argue with your mama. — Molly McAdams

Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that. — Garrison Keillor

My formula for life is very simple: in the morning, wake up; at night, go to sleep. In between I try and occupy myself as best I can. — Cary Grant

If you'd told em you killed a blind gramma, they'd have stayed to eat the pizza and cake. Free is free. — Stephen King

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me. — Jerome K. Jerome

You'd tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story. — Patricia Briggs

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with. — Lois Greiman

Then she tried to bore herself to sleep by thinking about things like yogurt and the structure of a gas pedal. — Jessica Park

You drool when you sleep-Annabeth — Rick Riordan

Can't even sleep through the night without you and those sun-dried ginger ale complected limbs crocheted into my thighs ... — Brandi L. Bates

I had a dream about you last night ... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs. — Amy Summers

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

No man is greater than his respect for sleep. — Ogden Nash

I had a dream about you last night ... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror. — Amy Summers

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart. — Anthony Bourdain

You drool in your sleep — Rick Riordan

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear. — Michael Summers

Toilet paper unrolled and slithered
then wrapped around my tummy.
That paper tried to roll me up
into an Egyptian mummy. — Melinda K. Trotter

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log. — Ellen DeGeneres

As the proverb said, "Think in the morning, Act in the noon, Eat in the evening, Sleep in the night." Too late for thinking now. Too early for eating. — Orson Scott Card

Did you sleep well?"
"No, I made a couple of mistakes. — Steven Wright

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself. — Woody Allen

The integrity of my sleep has been forever compromised, sir. — David Foster Wallace

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful. — Jim Gaffigan

I fall asleep with the sound of her voice echoing in my head, and a feeling in my chest like someone is scooping my heart out with a spoon. — Melissa Keil

It's hard to sleep when you have thirty two million quids worth of stolen jewellery hidden under the mattress. — Peter Houston

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep. — Chic Murray

I had a dream about you last night ... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream. — Amy Summers

Happiness depends on sound sleep, orderly bowels and regular meals. — Matthew Fort