Rita Rudner Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Rita Rudner
Rita Rudner Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Rita Rudner quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
— Rita Rudner
Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
— Rita Rudner
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
— Rita Rudner
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
— Rita Rudner
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
— Rita Rudner
I had the most boring office job in the world ... I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
— Rita Rudner
I'm going to start water skiing someday ... as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.
— Rita Rudner
Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.
— Rita Rudner
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
— Rita Rudner
Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
— Rita Rudner
My Vegas act is how I make my money.
— Rita Rudner
I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.
— Rita Rudner
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
— Rita Rudner
My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.
— Rita Rudner
Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
— Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
— Rita Rudner
I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me.
— Rita Rudner
All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
— Rita Rudner
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.
— Rita Rudner
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
— Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
— Rita Rudner
Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
— Rita Rudner
I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.
— Rita Rudner
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
— Rita Rudner
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
— Rita Rudner
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
— Rita Rudner
Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
— Rita Rudner
I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy.
— Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
— Rita Rudner
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
— Rita Rudner
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.
— Rita Rudner
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
— Rita Rudner
I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.
— Rita Rudner
Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.
— Rita Rudner
Cats are a waste of fur.
— Rita Rudner
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
— Rita Rudner
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
— Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
— Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
— Rita Rudner
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
— Rita Rudner
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
— Rita Rudner
If you are who you are on stage, people pay attention.
— Rita Rudner
Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
— Rita Rudner
My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
— Rita Rudner
I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
— Rita Rudner
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
— Rita Rudner
Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.
— Rita Rudner
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
— Rita Rudner
All men would still really like to own a train set.
— Rita Rudner
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
— Rita Rudner
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
— Rita Rudner
Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots?
— Rita Rudner
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".
— Rita Rudner
