Relationships Funny Quotes: top 63 famous quotes about Relationships Funny

Relationships Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Relationships Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I finally got up around noon, after having decided that, as far as monogamous relationships go, I could probably do worse than marrying my bed. — Robyn Schneider

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships. — Greg Behrendt

Love is a damage
made to the heart,
violence,
fate thats written,
Changeable by distance,
Breakable by time ... ! — Honey Father

Zane sighed. Jovan and Mother were just the same. "Maybe later" meant no. — C.J. Milbrandt

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I see uncool people! — Tonya Hurley

I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for? — Stephanie Lennox

In real life, couples bond and war over a million different things. The causes of divorce are like beautiful, unique snowflakes. — Howard Mittelmark

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up. — Marian Keyes

Me Tarz-tosterone; You Estro-Jane — Tony Cleaver

You're going to be trouble, aren't you?"
"Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see. — Zoe Forward

There's pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a solid and not make me. — Alex Potvin

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them. — Michael Summers

If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked. — Gilles Deleuze

I had a dream about you last night ... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive. — Nicole McKay

Christ, they'd be getting a cat next. He mentally recoiled from the idea: the day they did that, he'd cut off his dick and call himself a lesbian. — Kate Aaron

I love you because you loved me first. Yet you love me, saying I loved you first. Funny, our love thrives believing the other person started it. — Richelle E. Goodrich

At this moment, I know that the answer has to be yes. I am defeated. By my own father. How Darth Vader. — Denis Markell

I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world's best ventriloquist. — Michael Summers

It's all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage. — Helen Fielding

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Isn't it funny how we all will end up? Best friends today, communicating via internet tomorrow. Crush today, dancing at their weddings tomorrow. — Manasa Rao

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I need a hug from you to make me feel better about the fact I need a hug from you. — Stephanie Rowe

We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they? — Jess C. Scott

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. — Sharon Stone

I had a dream about you last night ... Well I say dream I mean nightmare ... you were a Yankee fan. — Nicole McKay

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape. — J. Richard Singleton

Are you real?" Stupid. Of course he's real.
"Yes, Julie. I'm not the mystical man from your dreams. — Caroline George

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Military Wives - Sacrificing Months of Sex for the Country. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

I had a dream about you last night ... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs. — Amy Summers

I see that even as the world plunges into darkness and peril, you two stand around discussing your love lives. Teenagers. — Cassandra Clare

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

It's funny how many ways there are to hurt people. As many ways to hurt as there are species of flower. Whole bouquets of hurt. — Joshua Gaylord

You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you? — Meg Cabot

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'd rather have rabies than be in love."
"Why?"
"Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots. — Shelly Laurenston

I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life. — F Scott Fitzgerald

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

It's not hard to fail ... it's hard to accept you failed ... but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing — Josh Stern

I had a dream about you last night ... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror. — Amy Summers

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. — Criss Jami

Sometimes you are the peanut to my butter and sometimes you are those annoying crumbs left over when someone makes toast. — Brenda Lochinger

Because friendship is about laughing when the other person is joking to make you feel better. Even if you don't find her joke all that funny. — Padma Venkatraman

Tip#27

Kiss a girl if you're a female,

If you're a single male kiss a Guy

(Idea)
It's fun to offend society ~ — Hazel Cartwright

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich. — Habeeb Akande

All human males were as fascinated with cars as they were with breasts. — Anita Clenney

I had a dream about you last night ... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream. — Amy Summers

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Weddings, I began to understand, were vile, filthy things when they ran amuck. — Laurie Notaro

Us is my favorite people. — Rick Riordan

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear. — Michael Summers