Red Skelton Quotes: top 45 famous quotes about Red Skelton

Red Skelton Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Red Skelton quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Comedian Red Skelton once defined Congress as "bingo with billions." These days, it's more like Russian roulette. — Lauren M. Bloom

I only come to life when there are people watching. — Red Skelton

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two. — Red Skelton

Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age. — Red Skelton

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. — Red Skelton

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off — Red Skelton

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. — Red Skelton

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room. — Red Skelton

I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'. — Red Skelton

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy. — Red Skelton

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism. — Red Skelton

I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise. — Red Skelton

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap — Red Skelton

I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away. — Red Skelton

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. — Red Skelton

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. — Red Skelton

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce — Red Skelton

I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it. — Red Skelton

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. — Red Skelton

I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em. — Red Skelton

His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad. — Red Skelton

I left home because I was hungry. — Red Skelton

Congress: Bingo with billions. — Red Skelton

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin — Red Skelton

It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it. — Red Skelton

I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity. — Red Skelton

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard. — Red Skelton

Make sure you're doing impressions of people that are still relevant, and that everyone knows. Red Skelton impressions are a little outdated. — Gabriel Iglesias

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. — Red Skelton

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always — Red Skelton

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first. — Red Skelton

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas — Red Skelton

Why I was so intrigued with Red Skelton was because he was able to make you cry and laugh and the same time. That was power. — Bernie Mac

To imitate a lunkhead without malice or derision is quite a feat - and Red Skelton brings it off everytime. - Humorist Leo Rosten — Douglas Wissing

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too? — Red Skelton

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds. — Red Skelton

What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics. — Buddy Hackett

Bob Hope, Red Skelton, and Eddie Cantor ... help us keep our balance. — Hattie McDaniel

I've put on a lot of weight ... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born. — Red Skelton

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up. — Red Skelton

I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather. — Red Skelton

Red Skelton ... I broke into tears when I met him. — Rip Taylor

You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist. — Red Skelton

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being. — Red Skelton

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. — Red Skelton