Random Funny Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Random Funny
Random Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Random Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
That didn't sound like them slinging beads at us. Think if I whip my shirt off, they'll go blind and leave? Nick
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Woah, their gorgeous not so fast I haven't even catched your name or your number - Jaxson Evans
— Brit Gosik
The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
— Ellen DeGeneres
Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, the imagine my mom and dad having sex.
— Rachel DeWoskin
Val had a horrific image of Lisa peering through a magnifying glass like a grotesquely teenybopper version of Nancy Drew - in jeggings.
— Nenia Campbell
Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.
— Judith Chambers
Alice smiled her wide smile. The crooked incisor smile.
— Jennifer Mathieu
Leonard had let them go alone with the young boy who Ali was now convinced, was a couple falafel's short of a picnic
— L.R. Currell
Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
— Rick Riordan
Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually.
— Rick Riordan
What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed!
— Hunter S. Thompson
Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' - or at least, that's what I would think if I had a chronic fear of freakishly nice people.
— Nenia Campbell
Knocking the shrieking goblins aside like skittles
— J.K. Rowling
The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone.
— Hilary McKay
When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.
— Nenia Campbell
I Don't care which president is sucking your dick at the moment, I will not be a party to the killing of innocent men!
— Brandice Snowden Demon's Veil
He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass.
— Chris Hannan
My smile wavers as I revert to my natural state of being: nervous and weird.
— Stephanie Perkins
If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months
— Josh Stern
Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome.
— Carla H. Krueger
Tip#27Kiss a girl if you're a female,
If you're a single male kiss a Guy
(Idea)
It's fun to offend society ~ — Hazel Cartwright
You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.
— Christy Leigh Stewart
Sometimes you are the peanut to my butter and sometimes you are those annoying crumbs left over when someone makes toast.
— Brenda Lochinger
I was not dressed crazily - I was dressed as a horse. And for a very logical and sane reason.
— Diane Messidoro
I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.
— Santosh Kalwar
Manners," I say. "It ain't polite to taste people. Shit.
— Nenia Campbell
Some days you were the bitch and some days you were shit that came out of the bitch's toy poodle. Today was one of those days I was the latter.
— Stacey Marie Brown
Sometimes charm can make a person blind to truth ... look at Ted Bundy.
— Shelley K. Wall
Reading was hardly as practical a skill as being able to handle a dagger or use Allomancy?
— Brandon Sanderson
Lying in bed with Johnny Depp sussing out which males are what kind of pet from their clothes.
— Diane Messidoro
Don't you wish we all lived in black light ... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it
— Josh Stern
He once again pointed to that creepy theatrical smile. There were way too many teeth there. It made him look positively demented.
— Richard E. Gropp
Kindness, motherfucker, kindness.
— Don Roff
I will play Truth or Dare, you sucker, until you can't tell your truth from your dare. -CAROLINE
— Alice Clayton
Don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male
— Keisha Keenleyside
Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?
— Regina Griffin
A brick could be used for note delivery, from the KKK.
— Nicole McKay
I just finished running, and I look and smell like nothing very pleasant. Why, oh, why did he have to bump into me now?
— Abigail Owen
No one broke his finger and got away with it.
— Sarah Masters
People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.
— Wes Adamson
(About a cookbook ... )- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. — Terry Pratchett
Cause hearts are amazing things. They get lots bigger to make room for new people to love alongside the old people you love. -Simi
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them.
— Nenia Campbell
What's purple mean?"Adrian put his hand on the door. "Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting — Richelle Mead
Anytime you can escape to an adventure do it, what have you got to lose? Just keep turning the page.
— Mira Monroe
Sunshine gives me a headache
— Rainbow Rowell
If you're heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous
— Rick Riordan
Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know. — Michael Hogan
EAT SANDWICH, NOT OWN MOUTH.
— Lauren Conrad
I'd seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.
— Richelle Mead
I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River's Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled.
— Cate Tiernan
Damn it. Reyes could be such a butthead. Freaking Antichrists.
— Darynda Jones
If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great.
— Erin Dionne
Miguel: Merle? What kind of hick name is that? I wouldn't name my dog Merle.
— The Walking Dead
Imogene always sitson the remote. It's probably wedged between her butt cheeks."
"Should I go get a crowbar? — Kirsten Miller
Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick.
— Simon Dunn
Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things.
— James Dashner
Tell Savitar I said hi.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.
— Nicole McKay
She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny.
— Elizabeth Gaskell
I knew I was in deep shit. I didn't know how deep - just that I still hadn't touched bottom.
— Sol Luckman
A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!
— Nicole McKay
I didn't know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.
— Rachel Vincent
If You're Gonna Ride My Ass, At Least Pull My Hair!
— S.C. Stephens
The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white.
— Gail Carriger
People in hell want snowcones.
— Nora Roberts
World domination is just my side gig.
— Tanjlisa Marie
I didn't actually know what regret tasted like - but I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk.
— Angela N. Blount
Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.
— Leah Broadby
What can I say? I'm like a playground water fountain, I live to wet people's pants.
— Frances Winkler
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
— Darynda Jones
The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket.
— Nicole McKay
A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick.
— Nicole McKay
You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!
— James Dashner
How funny are dogs?
— John Marsden