Pilkington's Quotes
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Pilkington's Quotes & Sayings
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Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be mush.
— Karl Pilkington
I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
— Karl Pilkington
I don't think I've ever felt this lost, even in Wales.
— Karl Pilkington
You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.
— Karl Pilkington
So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?
— Karl Pilkington
There are more idiots in the world than bright ones, but it's the odd good one that makes a big difference.
— Karl Pilkington
Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot ...
— Karl Pilkington
That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.
— Karl Pilkington
[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.
— Karl Pilkington
You never see an old man eating a Twix
— Karl Pilkington
Could the world fall?
— Karl Pilkington
I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
— Karl Pilkington
With acting, I didn't get much from it.
— Karl Pilkington
A slug is always on its own. It is a lonely insect.
— Karl Pilkington
If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared.
— Karl Pilkington
I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.
— Karl Pilkington
I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.
— Karl Pilkington
Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.
— Karl Pilkington
That love can make the difference between life and death.
— Paul Pilkington
I don't understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.
— Karl Pilkington
My brain's just full of passwords.
— Karl Pilkington
Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.
— Karl Pilkington
If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replemishing
— Karl Pilkington
Every step starts with a step.
— Karl Pilkington
If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error.
— Karl Pilkington
I've heard that fact, that is you eat more than six bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with seven bananas in it and I thought, that's dangerous.
— Karl Pilkington
There's a lot of idiots in the world, so live with it.
— Karl Pilkington
Furious activity is no substitute for analytical thought.
— Alastair Pilkington
We all just want to sit on our ass.
— Karl Pilkington
I just want to forget,' he said, before falling
— Paul Pilkington
I'm really happy. I just don't choose to show it.
— Karl Pilkington
The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny.
— Karl Pilkington
The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now.
— Karl Pilkington
When i was younger i remember once i went to bed and i was so happy that i laughed myself to sleep ...
— Karl Pilkington
Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.
— Karl Pilkington
You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
— Karl Pilkington
Whether it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage!
— Karl Pilkington
If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about.
— Karl Pilkington
It's 2006, why are they still using the index finger?
— Karl Pilkington
If Dracula can't see his reflection, how come his parting's always neat?
— Karl Pilkington
I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.
— Karl Pilkington
Fishing: I don't really like it. I don't really like the expression on the fish's face.
— Karl Pilkington
All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.
— Karl Pilkington
It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
— Karl Pilkington
Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.
— Karl Pilkington
I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
— Karl Pilkington
A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.
— Karl Pilkington
It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep
— Karl Pilkington
People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?
— Karl Pilkington
Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It's not just the lowest point of the trip. It's the lowest point ever. In 38 years.
— Karl Pilkington
Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.
— Karl Pilkington
It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
— Karl Pilkington
There is someone for everyone, i'nt there. That's always my thing. And it's reassuring I think.
— Karl Pilkington
It's easier to have a go at something again when you failed at it as you've got nowt to lose.
— Karl Pilkington
Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.
— Karl Pilkington
Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'
— Karl Pilkington
I've never worried about life's big questions.
— Karl Pilkington
I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it.
— Karl Pilkington
What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?
— Karl Pilkington
A dog has got human eyes.
— Karl Pilkington
If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
— Karl Pilkington
A block of blood should not have the word "cake" after it ... they might as well say "shite gateau
— Karl Pilkington
I saw a bee have a heart attack ...
— Karl Pilkington
Now sometimes I don't know if I feel well. Because I've been in my body for years.
— Karl Pilkington
I'm more open to give things a go, but what I'm not good at yet is holding back. If something is daft or rubbish, I just go, I can't be doing it.
— Karl Pilkington
the bus was running late, but in truth this was no surprise. Delhi probably got its name from the word 'delay'.
— Karl Pilkington
At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.
— Karl Pilkington
We're just a weed in the universe
— Karl Pilkington
Your dreams should never be better than your real life
— Karl Pilkington
The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.
— Karl Pilkington
There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly
— Karl Pilkington
Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?
— Karl Pilkington
I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.
— Karl Pilkington
If you had five photos of anuses, I could not point mine out.
— Karl Pilkington
Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.
— Karl Pilkington
It's weird how me and that insect are miles apart in terms of lifestyle, yet we both like a biscuit.
— Karl Pilkington
You never get an angry man suddenly breaking into a whistle.
— Karl Pilkington
I came up with a good idea ... see-through skin.
— Karl Pilkington
Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
— Karl Pilkington
Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain?
— Karl Pilkington
It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.
— Karl Pilkington
If you haven't got eyes, you shouldn't have wings
— Karl Pilkington
Sometimes people let us down. Even those we love and trust the most. When it comes down to it, humans are pretty weak creatures.
— Paul Pilkington
If you're worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I'd say your life's pretty good
— Karl Pilkington
They're limited edition,' she said. 'Listen,' I said 'they're not limited enough. These shouldn't have been made at all.
— Karl Pilkington
The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos ... but we never saw his wife.
— Karl Pilkington
I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.
— Karl Pilkington
There's fish in here that I've read about that are so see-through that they're invisible. So I don't even think they know they exist.
— Karl Pilkington
It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that.
— Karl Pilkington
A problem solved is a problem caused.
— Karl Pilkington
Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.
— Karl Pilkington
If you're not happy looking a knob in the face, there's something wrong.
— Karl Pilkington
People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!
— Karl Pilkington
I'm useless in water. I wake up at night drowning in my own saliva.
— Karl Pilkington
How would I know which one I was?
— Karl Pilkington
Reputation ... is as often gained without merit as lost without a crime ...
— Laetitia Pilkington