Old Joke Quotes

My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die. — Tommy Tran

remember this old Zen joke, "Don't just do something, sit there!" I can think of no better market advice when you are feeling emotional. — Palgrave Macmillan Trade

Is that another sort of joke?" asked the old man. "You've no excuse for being bored anywhere. When I was your age I had never heard of such a thing. — Henry James

It reminds me of an old joke: What did the Zombie say to the whore?"
I looked at him blankly. "Um ... what?"
He winked. "Keep the tip. — Diana Rowland

The old joke was Mitch Leigh, land baron, barren land. — Mitch Leigh

As we left they told us the old joke. To start a journey in a sandstorm is good luck. — Michael Ondaatje

Pan took the joke good-naturedly, probably deciding it wasn't a good idea to argue with a fifteen-year-old who had just pulled two people up ten feet. — Grace Anthony

I could become like that dyslexic agnostic in the old joke - the one who lies in bed and tries to figure out if his dog exists. — Anne Lamott

Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went.
No, why?
You moved.
Just don't move. — Margaret Atwood

Ain't nothing too serious. Even death is a joke on the old devil, if we are living for the Lord. — Nancy B. Brewer

My friends joke I'm a 90-year-old stuck in a young man's body. — Douglas Booth

There was an old joke - it's not the fall that kills you but the abrupt stop. — Matthew FitzSimmons

It was on old joke among underfed, angry sailors that should mutiny fail, the weight of their bodies would not be enough to hang them. — Marcus Rediker

There used to be an old bad joke. I hope it's not so much a good joke anymore. 'Everybody's from Scranton; no one's in Scranton.' — Joe Biden

An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought. — Mignon McLaughlin

It is an old baseball joke that big-inning baseball is affirmed in the Bible, in Genesis. In the big inning, God created ... — George Will

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke. — Robin Williams

dot-com flameouts that erroneously believed that they could lose money on each customer but, as the old joke goes, make it up in volume. — Eric Ries

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring. — Howard Stern

Because, as we are told - a sad old joke, too - Ghosts, like the ladies, never speak till spoke to. — Bill Vaughan

I like to joke that I already married a 26-year-old and divorced a 29-year-old, so I wasn't going to do that again when I got remarried. — Grant Show

If someone tells you you're crazy enough times, eventually it becomes true. It's that old psychiatrist's joke: insanity's all in your head. — Madeleine Roux

Korean feminism has been swept away by popular culture. It became a sort of old-fashioned trend or a joke. — Kim Hyesoon

[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. — Gwyneth Paltrow

As and old (and clandestine) Soviet joke used to express it, the problem with the past...is that it is always so unpredictable. — Francis X. Blouin

I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age, telling the same joke again and again. Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh. — Simon Le Bon

Medicine is a very old joke, but it still goes on. — Andre Maurois

was an old Ranger joke and they all smiled. — John Flanagan

You've no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years. — C.S. Lewis

There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars." — Larry The Cable Guy

Eddie remembered the punchline of an old New York joke: "Pardon me, sir, can you tell me how to get to City Hall, or should I just go fuck myself? — Stephen King

Never more then two, I told her once. I repeat an old joke about why martinis are like a women's breasts; one is never enough and three are too many — Charles Dubow

As the old joke goes, I have all the sins together. I am a woman, a Socialist, separated and agnostic. — Michelle Bachelet

Old physicist joke: they knew that the approach worked in practice, but could they make it work in theory? — Walter Isaacson

Why can't a 'bania' play hockey or football for India? Because every time he gets a corner, he opens a shop! - Old Indian Joke — Ashutosh Garg

An old paleontological in joke proclaims that mammalian evolution is a tale told by teeth mating to produce slightly altered descendant teeth. — Stephen Jay Gould

There's an old joke about Alzheimer's: the good news is that you meet new people every day. — Stephen King

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it. — Howie Carr

Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew. — Ivan Turgenev

I've always been into leopard print. No joke, when I was 14 years old I wanted my entire room to be covered in it. — Kim Kardashian

People who don't like cats haven't been around them. There's the old joke: dogs have masters, cats have staff. — Betty White

You know the old joke: with communism the future is certain, it's just the past that keeps changing? — Patrick McGuinness