My Humor Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about My Humor
My Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational My Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
You need to be my wife to win with me.
— Pawan Mishra
But I've bought a big bat.I'm all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going
To have trouble with me! — Dr. Seuss
He's cutting off circulation to my balls! If you want great grandchildren, woman, do something! Joshua sputtered
— R.L. Mathewson
There was no doubt in my mind that Daemon believed revenge was a dish best served in my face.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout
I miss my suits...
— Eoin Colfer
I stared at my broccoli with all kinds of menace.
— Juliann Whicker
Given up, Khouri? It's not in my dictionary.
— Alastair Reynolds
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
— Rodney Dangerfield
What red lips you have," he said in her ear. Did she dare say it? "All the better to kiss you with, my dear," she replied. And then their lips met.
— Annette Curtis Klause
You make a very handsome dead eel, my husband,""For a boiled mollusk, you wear black quite well, my wife, — Grace Draven
I can still feel my legs, thanks for asking. My back's not even hurt that badly. Only as though I was just hit by a train.
— Jayde Scott
Bursting into flame would definitely blow my cover.
— Rob Thomas
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
— Tommy Cooper
Typically, I prefer to gag my own men. I'd never considered having them delivered to me that way.
— Dez Schwartz
Then what are you? An electronic Hannibal Lector? You can't eat my liver with fava beans through a modem, you know.
— Dean Koontz
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
— Steven Wright
English is my second language. Laughter is my first.
— Paul Krassner
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
— Woody Allen
I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.
— Flannery O'Connor
At NBC I wasn't really sure if the grandparents were going to get my sense of humor on a particular topic.
— Tabitha Soren
Well you can't believe everything you read. After all, by definition, fiction writers lie for a living.
— Janette Rallison
I'm not a particularly dark individual. I have my moments, it's true, but I do have a sense of humor.
— Alan Moore
Everyone likes me. It's my curse.
— David Nicholls
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
— Steven Wright
CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.
— Andrew Hussie
Thanks, Dad, for leaving a huge void in my life that Freud says has to be filled with dick.
— Leah Raeder
It's my first trip as president of the United States.
— George W. Bush
My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities ... like the ability to behave myself.
— J.K. Rowling
My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.
— Brian Spellman
Can't even sleep through the night without you and those sun-dried ginger ale complected limbs crocheted into my thighs ...
— Brandi L. Bates
I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar.
— Richard Kadrey
I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."
— Mitch Hedberg
Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's""I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter. — Becca Fitzpatrick
The fuck are you staring at? I hiss at the stranger staring at me in my rearview. Oh, wait, that's me.
— Sean Murphy
I looked at the place with my heart beating as I had known it to do in the dentist's parlor.
— Henry James
Today you, my dear Felicia, look incredibly delightful, and I assure you, I'm not trying to humor you in the least.
— Jen Turano
Surprisingly, Gwendolyn, I have more important things to do with my time, like put bamboo shoots under my nails or drill holes in all my teeth.
— Shelly Laurenston
You don't think that perhaps you have anger management issues?""Punching people is managing my anger. — Suzanne Wrightt
Great Gates almighty," HARV said inside my brain. "I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.
— John Zakour
He looks me up and down blankly. 'So. No Speedos?''I left them in my other bag with my muscle shirts and tanning spray. You? — Melissa Keil
Welcome to the gates of heaven Adelia, and what did you do with your life? My Lord, I was a bishop's whore.
— Ariana Franklin
His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing.
— Laurell K. Hamilton
See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.
— Jim Butcher
My grandmother said sex was the best gift God ever gave to mankind-I think it is over rated.
— Brenda Kay Winters
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up the word "scandal" in my dictionary last night. No wonder there has been such a fuss.
— Paula M. Hunter
In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?
— Terry Pratchett
Did you hear that! Yuki, the heartless Yuki! Heartless Yuki has begged me with tears to let him visit my shop!
— Natsuki Takaya
I hate when I break my own rules. What's the point of me being rational if I flail around like a clown?
— Jesse Ball
Yo! Hold my poodle!
— Shawn Wayans
My paycheck is so small it has an inferiority complex.
— Mallory Kane
I'm quite certain that if I lost my sense of humor, it would most definitely need to be replaced by a padded cell.
— Tanya Masse
And I can see Russia from my house.
— Tina Fey
Confound my genteel upbringing! I could not think of any name foul enough to call him.
— Nancy Springer
I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me.
— Shannon L. Alder
Weird is my bread and butter.
— Marla Buchanan
My father was a man, and I know the sex pretty well.
— Elizabeth Gaskell
Though I wondered what she ever made of my professed love for and intentions to marry Big Bird, the hottie of Sesame Street.
— Wendy Delsol
Sorry ... my mind was wandering ... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for.
— Steven Wright
They grin at each other lovingly and my insides curl up and die.
— Miranda Kenneally
Women in love are patheticand I cannot be bothered, for now,
I am back to metaphysics
and my armpits gather hair. — Mie Hansson
