Men Humor Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Men Humor
Men Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Men Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
When Eve upon the first of MenThe apple press'd with specious cant,
Oh! what a thousand pities then
That Adam was not adamant! — Thomas Hood
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"
— Henny Youngman
Love Is How You How You Dress
— Maurys Gaucho
Humor is the offspring of man; it comes forth like Minerva, fully armed from the brain.
— Roger L'Estrange
I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!
— Henny Youngman
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
— Rita Rudner
Men ought to be a four-letter word! Menn!
— Becky Lewellen Povich
As you know, I don't believe in fear, just an invention by men so they get all the money and good jobs ...
— Marian Keyes
Gentlemen do not carry a cane or a hat? No gloves?""Gentleman may still wear them, but I'm afraid the problem is that there aren't many left. — Camilla Isley
The higher the testosterone, the lower the maturity level.
— Jennifer DeCuir
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
— Neil Gaiman
Men always think I'm too demanding... but all I ask is that they treat me like the goddess I am.
— Kathy Shaskan
He was one of your wicked, fascinating men. After he got married he left off being fascinating and just kept on being wicked.
— L.M. Montgomery
Typically, I prefer to gag my own men. I'd never considered having them delivered to me that way.
— Dez Schwartz
Don't be bashful; we're among gentlemen. It's a known fact that we men are the missing link between the pirate and the pig.
— Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Real men respect women
— Prince Simus
All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.
— Rita Rudner
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
— Rita Rudner
Colin: "1 dinna understand why we canna just go to bed and have sex." He looked truly puzzled.
— Nina Bangs
Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either.
— Chelsea Handler
THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me - not forever, but periodically.
— Janet Evanovich
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".
— Rita Rudner
Wise men are not wise at all hours, and will speak five times from their taste or their humor, to once from their reason.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
I learned another rule, men don't buy men flowers
— Dora Okeyo
Women want a lot of sex with the man they love; men want to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women.
— Dermot Davis
Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything praiseworthy in human life.
— Joseph Addison
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
— Zsa Zsa Gabor
Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.
— Lois Greiman
Some men never recover from education.
— Oliver St. John Gogarty
Girls are so much nicer than men (apart from Tom-but homosexual).
— Helen Fielding
I call the Change of Life "Orchids" because menopause is such an ugly word. It's got men in it for goddsakes.
— Lisa Jey Davis
Women rule the world; we just let our men think they do.
— Prescott Lane
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
— Henny Youngman
They call me the confuser. Is he a man ... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.
— Noel Fielding
The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.
— Criss Jami
You really think anyone else would put up with you? Yep. Do you want to see more men die?
— Shay Rucker
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".
— Russell Beland
Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.
— Flip Wilson
Males are the most incomprehensible species.
— Rachel Cohn
Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women.
— Jose Saramago
Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy
— Josh Stern
Some single men stop drinking when they git married and others start!
— Tennessee Williams
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. — G.K. Chesterton
He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Macho does not prove mucho.
— Zsa Zsa Gabor
All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never find what he seeks.
— Cyrus The Great
The cemeteries are full of indispensable men.
— Charles De Gaulle
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
— Frank Carson
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
— Henny Youngman
She met a dashing man - he was, a dash. — Timothy Joshua
No man can ever admire a woman the way she admires herself.
— Meeta Ahluwalia
Somewhere near the Alamo, a bugle brayed: either that or McCulloch's men had found some reason to torture a poor, defenseless donkey.
— Harry Turtledove
Thirtythe promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair. — F Scott Fitzgerald
All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.
— Voltaire
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
— George Bernard Shaw
A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: 'Duh. — Conan O'Brien
Men so often became stubborn when they didn't get their way with the ladies in their lives.
— Brianna Labuskes
My father was a man, and I know the sex pretty well.
— Elizabeth Gaskell
{Victor} was no exception to a rule of Alun's that men over fifty who took care of themselves were not to be trusted.
— Kingsley Amis
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
— Joseph Heller
Women need a reason to have sex; men need only a place.
— Nelson DeMille
Men weigh love with hands.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Men die. It's practically what they're for.
— Catherynne M Valente
If he's like any other man I've ever met, it's not my smile he's going to be looking at.
— Brad Thor
Who needs men when they can have chocolate?Who needs sex when they can have chocolate, come to that — Trisha Ashley
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A lot of men tend to want "models"I tell men, unless they look like a model themselves, they can't expect to land one. — Trisha Ventker
I once took a city with five men and a lame goat.
— Ilona Andrews
I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."
— Mitch Hedberg
Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It's dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it.
— Alexandra Potter
Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire." ~ Liberty Jones — Lisa Kleypas
If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.
— Lois Greiman
Mom says it's because she has PMS.Do you even know what that means?
I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome — Nicholas Sparks
This man dresses like an unmade bed.
— Henny Youngman
Think think think until you blink
— Ganeshsaidheeraj
