Me Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Me Funny

Me Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Me Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Don DeLillo's 'White Noise,' which I read when I was 19. It showed me that a book can be funny as hell and deadly serious. — Kevin Barry

Like Cammie is fine," Macey said, then glanced at me. "No offense."
"None taken," I said. "I think. — Ally Carter

I tended to hate people that hit me in the head without warning. — Amanda Hocking

Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. Hey, Dark Princess? Here's your crap. Also, bite me. — Rachel Caine

Comedy wasn't something I chose - it chose me. I was just inherently funny when I was a kid. — Pauly Shore

Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' That show kills me. There's some funny stuff in there. — Rodney Atkins

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey — R.J. Dennis

Shocked to see me?" I drawl at them, chuckling at the horrific joke. — Victoria Aveyard

To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct. — John Waters

It sounds like you aren't used to having something so powerful between your legs," Abbey said. "Maybe you should let me drive. — Shawn Keenan

You don't have paperwork," Savitri said. "You give it all to me." "Is it done?" I asked. "As far as you know, yes," Savitri said. — John Scalzi

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. — Terry Pratchett

That's for me to know, and for you to find out. — Ally Carter

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that. — Mitch Hedberg

I'm so careless that now i don't even care if i cared about you. — Me

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant. — Dave Chappelle

My grandmother raised me. She was a real no-nonsense but very funny lady. I drove tractors, made hay, milked cows, fed the chicken, fed the pigs. — Carol Bartz

Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me. — Lord Chesterfield

Noctis ... this is a little embarrassing, but ... your male anatomy is bothering me. — Dahlia L. Summers

My father was funnier than me. My father was Richard Pryor-funny. I'm just a better businessman. — Tracy Morgan

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. — Steven Wright

It's funny because being comedic and happy and lighthearted is who I am as a person, so they're easier emotions for me to connect with. — Lindsay Lohan

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry

I understand that you don't want to marry me," I said. "I mean, I don't know why, since I'm simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste. — Merrie Haskell

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' — Claude Pepper

Shirley MacLaine said, You're so funny, then gave me a hug. Everything went white. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I thought I was going to pass out. — Lisa Kudrow

I'm in the mood for love, simply because you're near me. Funny, but when you're near me I'm in the mood for love. — Dorothy Fields

Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me? — J.K. Rowling

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

It wasn't funny for Bill Herondale!" said Magnus. "Oh, damn it. Now you've got me doing it. — Cassandra Clare

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me! — Jim Carrey

Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me! — Rick Riordan

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' — Chris Rock

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness". — Tim Vine

Posturing is funny to me. — Casey Wilson

Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny. — Ilona Andrews

And I'd be damned if I let the first photograph of me in ten years be taken on fucking Amtrak. I mean, the light alone. — Elizabeth Little

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. — Stephenie Meyer

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. — Craig Ferguson

I try to find a way to make it comfortable or interesting or funny to me. — Owen Wilson

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.
-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet

I don't know if I was funny as a child, though I always thought my parents really enjoyed listening to me sing. — Pippa Evans

It is a fact that even warming moments overwhelm me with despair, and this is why I am I. — Morrissey

You want me to be a man,older than you, who goes by the name of Roullard. — Wendelin Van Draanen

The Devil made me do it the first time -
the second time I done it on my own — Billy Joe Shaver

Don't worry about Sian," Louisa said, "things will get better."
"What, she'll stop hitting me?"
"No, but you'll stop bruising so easily. — Dylan Perry

Life is like a potato. Well, at least my life is. — Me

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again. — Bill Burr

It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. — Dave Grohl

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. — Mitch Hedberg

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? — Sherrilyn Kenyon

This morning someone sent me a very funny photo of me holding their puppy. We have matching colour jackets. — Luke Treadaway

Don't fuck with me. I don't like it and I know your mother.
Jory to a Handsy-Hayes Fischer — Mary Calmes

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook. — Bill Cosby

I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material! — Wesley Snipes

You know what's funny to me? Attitude. — Don Rickles

America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait. — Katt Williams

Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy? — Hannah Harrington

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. — Warren Buffett

Somehow the idea of Montgomery as a fairy doesn't have the same effect on me as it appears to have on you.
-Raphael — Nalini Singh

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny. — Max Wright

I have tried ... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have tried to get home with the downies. — Dylan Moran

I love it when you talk clean to me, quoting training manuals like sonnets. — Amanda Hocking

A brick is ... ... ... Well it's a bloody brick what more do you want from me? — Nicole McKay

Sunshine gives me a headache — Rainbow Rowell

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!" — Mitch Hedberg

If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great. — Erin Dionne

What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off? — Parker S. Huntington

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" — Henny Youngman

We all have our funny little ways. Except me, obviously. — Terry Pratchett

I have a rule: I prefer anyone who doesn't try to kill me to anyone who does. I'm funny that way. — China Mieville

You know, funny is this weird word for me. I hear is so many times it has no meaning anymore. — Bruce McCulloch

She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I'm confident I can trick her into it. — Robyn Carr

There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny. — Nick Thune

She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling. — Kresley Cole

I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!" — Mitch Hedberg

Purple Haze all in my brain, lately things don't seem the same. Actin' funny but I don't know why. 'Scuse me while I kiss the sky. — Jimi Hendrix

I've never been bothered with my conduct. I've only been bothered by people that don't get it correct when they gossip about me. — Shannon L. Alder

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past. — Erica Jong

I hate when I break my own rules. What's the point of me being rational if I flail around like a clown? — Jesse Ball

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet. — Jules Barnard

You have a gorgeous ass, and it holds handprints beautifully.
Oh, well, how nice for me. — Cherise Sinclair

It's funny how the smallest things I've done speak the loudest about me, but I like that. — Xavier Niel

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy. — Harriet Morgan

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. — Jimmy Fallon

I just do what I think is funny and what's exciting to me. — Chris Lilley

The funny thing about me is I move from genre to genre, but I essentially shoot all the movies the same way. — James Mangold

What did you want me to do? Ask him for money? — Mariana Zapata

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem? — Will Smith

Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie. — Michelle Hodkin

It's funny to me that power comes from sitting behind a desk. It should come from spending yourself. — Kirsty Eagar

And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me. — Molly Ivins

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby". — Ronald Reagan

How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. — Yogi Berra

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? — Janet Evanovich

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. — Bo Burnham

Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife. — Mark Watson

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! — Zach Galifianakis