M&a Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about M&a Funny

M&a Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational M&a Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Yes, I'm wearing a baby," Sheppard said. "It's very funny. Can we get past that? — Jo Graham

What's a book boyfriend and how do I find them so I can kick their asses? — M.D. Saperstein

I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy. — Dave Eggers

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender. — Daniel Tosh

I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. — Shaquille O'Neal

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake. — Gabriel Iglesias

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. — J.M. Barrie

I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat. — Art Donovan

I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt ... — Dave Barry

I'm sorry, I just did a shot — Jennifer Lawrence

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees. — Ryan Lilly

Daryl Dixon: You got some balls for a Chinaman.
Glenn: I'm Korean.
Daryl Dixon: Whatever. — The Walking Dead

I'm a sucker for Thought Catalog. Shelby Fero is really funny on Twitter. And Patton Oswalt, he's sort of like a Twitter throb. — Addison Timlin

I'm at a Hollywood premiere and I haven't fainted. I'd say I'm doing pretty good. — Veronica Blade

No bikinis on a first date." He nods. "I'm sure that's a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway. — Huntley Fitzpatrick

My silence was reward for you saying something intelligent. I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement. — Sam Argent

I don't get offered many dramatic roles. As soon as my face pops up in a movie, everyone knows I'm the funny guy. — Chris Elliott

My father was funnier than me. My father was Richard Pryor-funny. I'm just a better businessman. — Tracy Morgan

The funny part about Islam is; even if you rape a woman, it would be considered as her fault. — M.F. Moonzajer

I'm not a facebook status you don't have to like me. — Wiz Khalifa

Blake hung an arm on my shoulders. "Alone at last."
"I'm right here," Logan said.
"Maybe you shouldn't be. — A&E Kirk

Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith. — Leslie Nielsen

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. — Tim Vine

I'm a born-again atheist. — Gore Vidal

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I'm a great multitasker. — Holly Hood

I can eat you at breakfast, not because I am a monster; it is only because you are too cute and yummy. — M.F. Moonzajer

Are you sure you can't dematerialize? Not even a little?"
"I'm sure. — Lauren Oliver

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I'm very well endowed. — Bauvard

They call me the confuser. Is he a man ... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind. — Noel Fielding

I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat. — Harold Wilson

A woman is a funny animal. — James M. Cain

No really, I'm a werewolf and you're a human, which essentially translates into a steak with legs. — Quinn Loftis

I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny. — Jason Alexander

Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny. — Steve Martin

Congratulations your 18! ... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill. — Frankie Boyle

I'm like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinnier version of Lily Allen. — Katy Perry

I'm not the one going for a biology degree. I'm just a philosophy major who eats people. — Scott Westerfeld

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do! — Lisa Lampanelli

So does that mean if you won't fuck me because I'm high, I could fuck you because you're not? — K.A. Mitchell

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator. — Dave Chappelle

In a funny way, I like the past, I'm a very nostalgic person. — Elle Fanning

I'm sure this is a diversionary ploy. But that doesn't mean it isn't real.
-Abe Sapien — John Arcudi

I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer. — Kelly Ripa

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb. — Russell Howard

I'm sure I look a wreck. But he's the one who wrecked me so he may as well take a good long look at what he's done. — Monica Murphy

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. — Steven Wright

I'm not a believer in the pratfall. I don't think it's funny just to have someone fall down. — Harold Ramis

I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker. — Keenen Ivory Wayans

That just sounds so funny, A-list. Really, I'm a mom, and that's how I'm going to be all my life. — Angelina Jolie

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. — Dane Cook

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay. — Lady Gaga

Jeffrey to Felicia - Given your peculiar fashions over the past four years, I'm afraid you've caused people to believe you're a little insane. — Jen Turano

Look at you making a joke! You're funny. No wonder Carmine fell in love with you. — J.M. Darhower

I appreciate humor so much, but I'm actually not a funny girl. — Emmanuelle Chriqui

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' — Susan Sarandon

Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny. — Ilona Andrews

Like your zodiac sign? Percy asked. 'I'm a Leo.
'No, stupid,' Leo said. I'm a Leo. You're a Percy. — Rick Riordan

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. — Ruby Wax

The funny thing is, I'm not really a big reader, not a big fan of books in the first place. — Macaulay Culkin

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held. — Randy Glasbergen

Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo. — Adam Rex

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem? — Will Smith

The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband. — Francesca Annis

The Lord turned water into wine. All I'm suggesting is a trip to the grocery store. — Jodi Picoult

I'm a big fan of comedians not having to apologize for anything. Nowadays it seems comedians are always apologizing for being funny. — Kevin Dillon

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! — Zach Galifianakis

It's funny how we like labels. If I ever have a bookstore, I'm not going to put any labels on the sections. — Audrey Niffenegger

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend. — Edward De Bono

No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE — A.O. Storm

I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one. — Cameron Diaz

I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. — Scott Aukerman

When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown. — Nora Dunn

I have a rule: I prefer anyone who doesn't try to kill me to anyone who does. I'm funny that way. — China Mieville

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy. — Chris Rock

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire. — Alison Bechdel

I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. — Chris Eigeman

I'm alive," he groaned. "But I'm not doing a very good job of it. — Merrie Haskell

I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown? — Joe Pesci

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail. — Henny Youngman

You aren't a morning person, are you?" he mused.
"No, I'm not. There is a reason mornin' and mournin' sound the same. — L.A. Casey

You bitch!
Why is it that whenever I draw blood, I'm a bitch? — Rachel Vincent

I don't mess with that cat. I'm pretty sure he carries a blade under his jersey. — Charles Barkley

It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while. — Danny Bonaduce

I like to have fun, but I don't think of myself as being funny. But I'm a big jokester, so I make fun of myself a lot! — Taylor Lautner

I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better. — Kevin Durant

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters. — Jerry O'Connell

The funny thing about insane people is that it is kind of the opposite of being a celebrity. Nobody envies you. — Robert M. Pirsig

A lot of the things I say I'm just trying to be funny ... I don't really mean everything I say, because I'm not totally that airhead. — Paris Hilton

I have a copy of you in my brain; when you make me angry I do very bad things to you. — M.F. Moonzajer

I'm English. We're about as tactful as a hot poker up the bum, most of the time. — L.H. Thomson

What can I say? I'm like a playground water fountain, I live to wet people's pants. — Frances Winkler

A woman who is praying and a woman who is having fun, they both say " Oh My God", the only difference is how they pronounce it. — M.F. Moonzajer

I hope they make a show like M*A*S*H, which dealt with a lot of difficult subject matter but was very funny. — Joan Severance

I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. — Bernie Mac

I'm homeless, in a funny way. My culture I think is completely rooted in German 19th century music I suppose. — Hans Zimmer

Can I come in?
No! I'm in a towel!
I'm blind! — James Patterson

I'm not a human anymore — Darren Shan