Lewis Black Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Lewis Black
Lewis Black Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Lewis Black quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
— Lewis Black
If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
— Lewis Black
If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . )< . — Lewis Black
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
— Lewis Black
We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!
— Lewis Black
I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.
— Lewis Black
We have fossils ... We win!
— Lewis Black
This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
— Lewis Black
My father painted, well into his 80s, what he called hard edge abstractions.It's really cool.
— Lewis Black
The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?
— Lewis Black
I can be drunk until 6 in the morning, and then I don't have to show up to work until 14 hours later.
— Lewis Black
If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
— Lewis Black
It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.
— Lewis Black
I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
— Lewis Black
My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road.
— Lewis Black
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'
— Lewis Black
The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.
— Lewis Black
You are a black goddess when you come out the salon.
— Jenifer Lewis
Just relax and breathe through your ass.
— Lewis Black
It's 2003. Why can't I teleport?
— Lewis Black
I'm tall, fat, rather bald, red-faced, double-chinned, black-haired, have a deep voice, and wear glasses for reading.
— C.S. Lewis
You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!
— Lewis Black
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
— Lewis Black
There are two things I know about life ... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
— Lewis Black
Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out.
— Lewis Black
Lewis Black taught me stand-up.
— Nate Corddry
I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke.
— Lewis Black
In New York, f*** isn't even a word. It's a comma.
— Lewis Black
If you want to get an audience quiet, just say "abortion" and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
— Lewis Black
MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!
— Lewis Black
The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.
— Lewis Black
Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.
— Lewis Black
There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
— Lewis Black
I got to keep it tight like seams,Cause ain't no fiends
Comin' in between me and my dreams,
See what I mean, black? — Donnie Lewis
It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.
— Lewis Black
I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.
— Lewis Black
The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope.
— Lewis Black
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.
— Lewis Black
Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.
— Lewis Black
Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
— Lewis Black
One thing was certain, that the white kitten had had nothing to do with itit was the black kitten's fault entirely. — Lewis Carroll
You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does ... it's illegal.
— Lewis Black
When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.
— Lewis Black
Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
— Lewis Black
Everybody's family has different values.
— Lewis Black
My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.
— Lewis Black
I feel the need to scream, and even if the scream is not answered, I find my sanity in the echo.
— Lewis Black
Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers ... they are obviously alcoholics.
— Lewis Black
What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
— Lewis Black
It's one thing to bet on red or black and know that you are betting on red or black. It's another to bet on a form of red and not to know it.
— Michael Lewis
There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.
— Lewis Black
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.
— Lewis Black
I never write anything down. I write onstage.
— Lewis Black
Macs are not intuitive. It's intuitive to the person who created it. It's not intuitive to me.
— Lewis Black
Now I must leave you as you enter the world that is Fuck. You are fucking lucky to be here. It's almost utopian.
— Lewis Black
Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.
— Lewis Black
Gertrude Stein's prose-song is a cold, black suet-pudding ... Cut it at any point, it is the same thing ... all fat, without nerve.
— Wyndham Lewis
I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.
— Lewis Black
