Johnny Carson Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Johnny Carson
Johnny Carson Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Johnny Carson quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
For 3 days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but the phone calls taper off.
— Johnny Carson
According to Johnny Carson, I was the guy who Marlon sent out to do all the dirty work.
— Jim Fowler
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
— Johnny Carson
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
— Johnny Carson
I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh.
— Johnny Carson
Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say Storms suck!!
— Johnny Carson
I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.
— Johnny Carson
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.
— Johnny Carson
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
— Johnny Carson
We're more effective than birth control pills.
— Johnny Carson
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
— Johnny Carson
The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older.
— Johnny Carson
I remember meeting the likes of Johnny Carson and Jimmy Stewart for the first time and being completely starstruck.
— Kevin Spacey
Air Canada. That's a good name for a Canadian airline.
— Johnny Carson
Asked how he became a star, Mr. Carson once replied, I started in a gaseous state and then I cooled.
— Johnny Carson
Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.
— Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
— Johnny Carson
Only lie about the future.
— Johnny Carson
I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.
— Johnny Carson
I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and the fact that I make money at it - big money - is a fine-and-dandy side fact.
— Johnny Carson
We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.
— Johnny Carson
Carson is an old family name, though my grandma used to watch Johnny all the time and was crazy about him.
— Carson Daly
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
— Johnny Carson
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
— Johnny Carson
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
— Johnny Carson
Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.
— Johnny Carson
I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it.
— Johnny Carson
I got my style from a lot of different people, even my style of reading, even Johnny Carson inspired me.
— Patti Smith
Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.
— Johnny Carson
There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King.
— Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
— Johnny Carson
Find me any performer anywhere who isn't egocentric. You'd better believe you're good, or you've got no business being out there.
— Johnny Carson
As a kid, I always wanted to be Carol Burnett or Johnny Carson. I love to chat and entertain.
— Caroline Rhea
I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.
— Ellen DeGeneres
Desire! That's the one secret of every man's career. Not education. Not being born with hidden talents. Desire.
— Johnny Carson
Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.
— Johnny Carson
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
— Johnny Carson
A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island.
— Johnny Carson
Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me.
— Johnny Carson
Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.
— Johnny Carson
I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time.
— Paul Reubens
Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?
— Johnny Carson
As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
— Johnny Carson
Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.'
— Johnny Carson
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.
— Johnny Carson
It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.
— Johnny Carson
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money.
— Johnny Carson
If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
— Johnny Carson
Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he's been accepted to an expensive college.
— Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
— Johnny Carson
Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
— Johnny Carson
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
— Johnny Carson
I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.
— Johnny Carson
I cried when I heard Johnny Carson died.
— Victoria Jackson
There really is no Johnny Carson anymore. There is no one place a comedian can appear and explode.
— Tom Leykis
I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy.
— Johnny Carson
Maybe we should hold the next [Olympic] games in Afghanistan and hope the Soviets pull out of that one too.
— Johnny Carson
The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it's ear.
— Johnny Carson
It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."
— Johnny Carson
They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them.
— Johnny Carson
He was a very private person, but then, you know, he belonged to the whole United States. The United States thought they owned Johnny Carson.
— Doc Severinsen
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
— Johnny Carson
It's funny, I remember doing the Johnny Carson show, and, uh, I couldn't afford my rent.
— Natalie Merchant
I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces.
— Johnny Carson
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
— Johnny Carson
People pay more to be entertained that educated
— Johnny Carson
What's all this fuss about plutonium? How can something named after a Disney character be dangerous?
— Johnny Carson
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
— Johnny Carson
I am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.
— Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
— Johnny Carson
He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
— Johnny Carson