Jimmy Carr Quotes

Collection of top 75 famous quotes about Jimmy Carr

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Jimmy Carr Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jimmy Carr quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: No matter how much you give a homeless No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea ... you never get that tea. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: People with Tourettes ... What makes them tick? People with Tourettes ... What makes them tick? Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: They say the people most affected by the They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: You never want to be the grumpy guy, You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I'm not worried about the Third World War. I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Like most of the world's population I'm into Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: The reason old man use Viagra is not The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly. Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: When people come over to my house for When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off! Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I have no problems with buying tampons. I I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!" — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: If only Africa had more mosquito nets then If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I did a gig in the U.S. once I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.' — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they call it chlamydia. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: It had to be hammered home quite a It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Let's face it, the gene pool needs a Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Robin Ince: Not since Jimmy Carr have I seen a Not since Jimmy Carr have I seen a cold computer programme on stage generate so much laughter. — Robin Ince
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I don't see myself as offending people. I don't see myself as offending people. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I think being successful in comedy is being I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: A big girl once came up to me A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest." — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: If we're all God's children, what's so special If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Creationists, the right-wing Christians, creationists believe every word Creationists, the right-wing Christians, creationists believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Swimming is good for you, especially if you're Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Remember to never answer a phone during sex, Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other ... — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: As soon as I did my first five As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Jesus loves you ... He's not 'in love' Jesus loves you ... He's not 'in love' with you. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I worry about my nan. If she's alone I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: A surprising amount of my jokes sound very A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I saw that show, 50 Things To Do I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: More people are going out to comedy shows More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: When you eat a lot of spicy food, When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I pay what I have to and not I pay what I have to and not a penny more. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them Put Smarties tubes on cats legs, make them walk like a robot. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I, of course, don't have an accent. This I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I was in love with the idea of I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: When someone close to you dies, move seats. When someone close to you dies, move seats. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I used to buy lottery tickets every week I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I like to write a joke without any I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Yes, I have this crazy honk of a Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Say what you want about the deaf ... Say what you want about the deaf ... — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Women were quite terrifying until I was older. Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: My father always used to say, "What doesn't My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I think they got it wrong with Saddam I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb. — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I had a survey done on my house. I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it — Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Throwing acid is wrong ... in some people's Throwing acid is wrong ... in some people's eyes. — Jimmy Carr