Jimmy Carr Quotes
Collection of top 75 famous quotes about Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jimmy Carr quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
People with Tourettes ... What makes them tick?
— Jimmy Carr
They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.
— Jimmy Carr
Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?
— Jimmy Carr
I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.
— Jimmy Carr
Eighteen years since the Chernobyl disaster. Is it just me surprized? Still no superheroes!
— Jimmy Carr
I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
— Jimmy Carr
The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
— Jimmy Carr
How many airports are there in the world?
— Jimmy Carr
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
— Jimmy Carr
In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.
— Jimmy Carr
I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.
— Jimmy Carr
I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.
— Jimmy Carr
The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.
— Jimmy Carr
I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.
— Jimmy Carr
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
— Jimmy Carr
I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
— Jimmy Carr
It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.
— Jimmy Carr
Not since Jimmy Carr have I seen a cold computer programme on stage generate so much laughter.
— Robin Ince
I don't see myself as offending people.
— Jimmy Carr
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
— Jimmy Carr
A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."
— Jimmy Carr
I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.
— Jimmy Carr
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other ...
— Jimmy Carr
Jesus loves you ... He's not 'in love' with you.
— Jimmy Carr
I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.
— Jimmy Carr
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.
— Jimmy Carr
I pay what I have to and not a penny more.
— Jimmy Carr
I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.
— Jimmy Carr
I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
— Jimmy Carr
When someone close to you dies, move seats.
— Jimmy Carr
Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.
— Jimmy Carr
I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
— Jimmy Carr
I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
— Jimmy Carr
Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
— Jimmy Carr
Say what you want about the deaf ...
— Jimmy Carr
Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
— Jimmy Carr
My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.
— Jimmy Carr
I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.
— Jimmy Carr
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
— Jimmy Carr
Throwing acid is wrong ... in some people's eyes.
— Jimmy Carr