If Then Funny Quotes
Collection of top 51 famous quotes about If Then Funny
If Then Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational If Then Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
— Steven Wright
The only person I compete with is Satan. If that happens to be you, then could you please move out of the way? You're standing in Christ's spot.
— Shannon L. Alder
If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.
— Sarah Silverman
If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
— Christopher Titus
If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?
— Doug Stanhope
If I let you go are you going to hit me again?""What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry
I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?
— Dylan Moran
If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.
— Shannon L. Alder
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
— Bill Watterson
If heaven was created only for the most stupid clown, then Mr Bean could have been the only righteous man on earth.
— Michael Bassey Johnson
If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.
— Jim Steinman
If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia.
— Dana Marie Bell
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
— Demetri Martin
If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.
— Patton Oswalt
If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.
— Jussi Adler-Olsen
I think it would be funny if you died of full blown AIDS. then I can take a crap on your grave after they bury you.
— Nickolaus Pacione
Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!
— Mitch Hedberg
If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.
— Calvin Trillin
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to ... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
— Woody Allen
So if you are what you eat and you are as young as you feel, then I am a pizza, right out of the oven.
— Tom Althouse
Charlie Christian showed me a lot, and was a great help, but even then, I realised that if I was going to make it, it was no use copying Charlie
— Barney Kessel
If they wanted their shit stirred, then stirred their shit was jolly well going to be.
— Stephen Clarke
The funny thing about the mind is that if you ask a question and then listen quietly, the answer usually appears.
— Yongey Mingyur
Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop. And then I'd watch you die.Kate to Will — Elizabeth Scott
But that's why you pay for insurance, right? If you never file a claim, then they've beaten you.
— Jonathan Tropper
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there
— Will Rogers
Archbishop: "God is with us!"William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!
We are victorious! — Arash Pakravesh
If your result needs a statistician then you should design a better experiment.
— Ernest Rutherford
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
— Daniel Tosh
People are funny. They look down from all sorts of heights and then if the looking down has no effect they get unsure.
— John McGahern
If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay.
— Tom Hanks
Agatha: "If you say anything smug or stuck-up or shallow, I'll have Reaper follow you home."Sophie: "But then I can't talk! — Soman Chainani
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
— Demetri Martin
If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels ...
— Josh Stern
Hey, if having a beautiful, smart, funny, talented man love me unconditionally for the rest of my life makes me a victim, then that's what I am.
— Victoria Denault
If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
— Edsger Dijkstra
If I don't offend somebody, then I'm probably not funny.
— Tracy Morgan
If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
— Mitch Hedberg
