Husband Funny Quotes: top 37 famous quotes about Husband Funny

Husband Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Husband Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. — Rita Rudner

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. — Joseph Gordon-Levitt

I've been fighting to be who I am all my life. What's the point of being who I am, if I can't have the person who was worth all the fighting for? — Stephanie Lennox

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. — E.W. Howe

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago. — John Cleese

He's the funniest, smartest person I know. It doesn't mean he doesn't bug me and I'm sure I bug him sometimes. — Sarah Jessica Parker

Don't do it gurl," he said with a wink. "You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend's husband's dick now drop it. — Ethan Day

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn't say. — Alfred Hitchcock

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. — Bill Cosby

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.' — Joan Rivers

The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup. — Will Smith

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. — Johnny Carson

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." — Rita Rudner

A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it. — Pawan Mishra

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was. — Frank Carson

There, at her console, he dialed 594: pleased acknowledgement of husband's superior wisdom in all matters — Philip K. Dick

Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul. — William Archibald Spooner

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. — Steven Wright

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Alma: I rather suspect her of being in love with him. Martin: Her own husband? Monstrous! What a selfish woman! — Lady Randolph Churchill

Your big scary husband is crying. — Robyn Carr

I have trouble saying hu ... hu ... husband. — Rosanna Arquette

No, I don't understand my husband's theory of relativity, but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted. — Elsa Einstein

There is strong. There is Army Strong. And then there is Army Wife Strong. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet. — Pamela Anderson

Hey Lady I don't want to fuck you husband . — Amy Poehler

Opposities are married. — Ljupka Cvetanova

What's funny is my husband doesn't have any tattoos at all, so he must be the very conservative one. — Ashley Scott

I like guys who are honest and funny. Looks come and go; I want to be 65 years old and laughing with my husband. — Jessica Lowndes

No chimpanzee husband would stand by while his wife lost all her coconuts. — Kurt Vonnegut

Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife. — Pawan Mishra

It's funny, but if I had to say whom I'm closer to, who knows me better, I'd have a hard time choosing between my husband and my best friend. — Nancy Thayer

It's funny that until I actually met my husband, I never thought I'd get married. — Regina King

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I don't have a desire to do reality. Because my truth is not what people are responding to. My truth is funny; I laugh with my husband every day. — Niecy Nash

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband. — Francesca Annis