Humorous Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Humorous
Humorous Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humorous quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
What I learn today I shall know forever. Whether or not I remember that I know it is a different story.
— Richelle E. Goodrich
A girl with plenty to do is sure to draw the interest of a man who's worth knowing. Be sure to get a hobby girls.
— Barbara Jean Coast
For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.
— Elizabeth Inchbald
The real problem with stories - if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.
— Neil Gaiman
"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
— Charles Dickens
Did you once own ruby slippers, and did a house fall on your head? You're a daft little munchkin.
— Heather Fleener
What's the saying? All is donkey balls in love and war?-Dan Garrett — Leah Rae Miller
Life is not for understanding or to known rather it is for living & only for living
— Nitin Yaduvanshi
Now, invite me in, before I lose my temperature.''Temper, you mean.'
'No, temperature. It's getting chilly. — Steven Erikson
I met a few chimpanzees on my pilgrimages and I wasn't sure if they were just shrivelled-up villagers or chimps...
— Jonathan Dunne
Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts
— P.G. Wodehouse
Shall I add a man to my collection?
— Patricia A. McKillip
You spit in this?""Yup."
Chris shrugged. "As long as you're honest. — R.L. Mathewson
A person never rise by pulling others down.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
Boys are just dogs
— Scylar Tyberius
One of my students once asked me:-' Teacher, do you like kids?'-
I said:
-' Yes, especially baked.'- — Me
Whats up home skillet, biscuit.
— Ali Cooper
I can't get her pregnant! I'm just thirteen. You have to be a man to get a girl pregnant.
— Scylar Tyberius
May as well have ox blood running through those veins," I added, "You're as stubborn as one. — Katherine McIntyre
I'm more of a dog person. But I admire cats and their ability to take so much while giving so little.
— Jeri Smith-Ready
I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple.
— David Sedaris
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there
— Will Rogers
What you knowand don't deny that
you don't know
and knowing this
you know
what and why
you don't know.
Right? — Jennifer Hillman
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
— Robert Breault
Yo! Hold my poodle!
— Shawn Wayans
Stalin didn't write any memoirs. He was too secretive. He was afraid people might read them.
— Jonathan Lynn
Stupid entropy ruins everything.
— Jennifer Ouellette
He has denied what has happened. His sworn statements have denied what has happened.
— Patricia Schroeder
Charm of the most insidious kind: humorous, self-deprecating, and disarmingly frank and confiding.
— Loretta Chase
A true Vor, Miles told himself severely, does not bury his face in his liegewoman's breasts and cryeven if he is at a convenient height for it. — Lois McMaster Bujold
I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!
— Neil Leckman
A fine horse or a beautiful woman, I cannot look at them unmoved, even now when seventy winters have chilled my blood.
— Arthur Conan Doyle
Vote early and vote often.
— Al Capone
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
— Erma Bombeck
What do writers look like?
— Graham Spaid
Two fairies were sleeping peacefully on his bed. Dinnie was immediately depressed. He knew that he did not have enough money to see a therapist.
— Martin Millar
...as nervous as a bird in a coal mine.
— Jim Butcher
Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?
— Demetri Martin
People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.
— Stephen King
It (Lewinskygate) has ... compromised his moral authority
— Joe Lieberman
Overflowing with the milk of human kindness, the family had invited everyone they could think of, including people they cordially disliked.
— Gerald Durrell
Like old times... wanna arm wrestle for her?
— Catherine Vale
The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.
— Samuel Taylor Coleridge
You learn to smile even in you liver?''Even in my lire, Ketut. Big smile in my liver. — Elizabeth Gilbert
ARISE, AWAKE AND STOP NOT TILL THE GOAL IS REACHED
— Swami Vivekananda
If you don't succeed the first time - you're about average
— Frederick L. Coxen
'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of happiness.
— John Dryden
Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others
— Yana Toboso
I suspected his middle name was "Yum".
— Camilla Chafer
I'm not lazy. I'm just really gifted, only instead of being good at music or math I'm good at sleeping late.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard
Apollo wanted out. Out of Aphrodite, out of this bathroom, out of this house, and out of this life.
— Marie Phillips
Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,
— Steven Pinker
This guy had more lines than loose-leaf.
— Cara Lynn Shultz
Buy this book , buy this book , you need this book, buy book now.'Subliminal messaging works! — Nick Jimbanis
I took your name when I took those vowsI meant 'em back then and I mean 'em right now. — The Band Perry
Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
— Jenny Lawson
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
— George Carlin
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.
— Rich Hall
Women; the supreme masters of the bait and switch.D'Artagnan Bloodhawke — D'Artagnan Bloodhawke
The closest I ever came to a near death experience was living in LA.
— Deirdra Baldwin
I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway.
— Haruki Murakami
It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.
— F Scott Fitzgerald
First, let me finish. Then interrupt.
— Brian Spellman
Listen carefully, I'm going to say three words.""I love you? — Lisa Scottoline
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
— Charles Dickens
Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me!
— Rick Riordan
It had better be. It doesn't do much when it's soft.
— Brent Weeks
