Humor Woman Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humor Woman

Humor Woman Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Woman quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

It takes more than balls to be a woman. It takes ovaries. — Solange Nicole

There's something infinitely fascinating or fatal about a woman behind the wheel. — Ahmed Mostafa

My first kiss as a single woman. It sent a tingle sprinting down my spine like a tingle panther. — Rosen Trevithick

That woman needs protecting like Rambo needs a bodyguard. — Jennifer Crusie

From what he could see she had the legs of a much younger woman. Certainly not what he would have expected in the way of Unitarian legs. — Barbara Kingsolver

He's cutting off circulation to my balls! If you want great grandchildren, woman, do something! Joshua sputtered — R.L. Mathewson

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female. — Oscar Wilde

In love! She wafted through her day like a woman with a concussion. — Junot Diaz

You going to let him talk to me like that?" Driggs said to Lex. "Defend my honor, woman."
"Defend your own honor, — Gina Damico

While the man is putting on it's shoes, the woman can buy dozens of high heels. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Behind every great man is a great woman' but in front of every great man should be a spectacular woman — Josh Stern

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life. — Oscar Wilde

It simply isn't a woman's nature to be silent for prolonged periods of time. — Maya Banks

A Beautiful Woman Is A Baggage. Thank God Yours Is A Suit Case — Maurys Gaucho

The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain. — Oscar Wilde

I have the Angela Jolie of vaginas. — Amy Poehler

She looked at the spear in a way that no woman had ever looked at Richard — Neil Gaiman

A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity. — Janet Evanovich

Nothing is more terrifying to a man than an angry woman. Add a long wooden implement to the equation and the effect is profoundly unnerving. — Sean Cullen

I thank Lord Brahma that your preference doesn't extend to a man being loyal to same woman for many lifetimes! — Amish Tripathi

Whenever a woman describes a man as sweet, the dalliance is doomed. — Lionel Shriver

Happy is the woman who can laugh at herself. She will never cease to be amused. — Charlene Vermeulen

She had only a candle's light to see by, but candlelight never did badly by any woman. — John Fowles

Blew it up his nose. That woman should have cards printed: 'Dr. Evan Wilson, Imaginative Medicine a Specialty. — Janet Kagan

I'm a country boy, I just want a woman to love and something to fix! — J. Dursky

Life lesson 2, Never tell a woman that those pants make her butt look big. — John Hankins

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood. — Joan Rivers

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me - not forever, but periodically. — Janet Evanovich

God didn't make Eve from Adam's rib. He took out half of Adam's brain by accident. — Shirley Jump

One pretty woman means fun at the dance. Two pretty women means trouble in the house. Three pretty women means run at the hills. — Robert Jordan

In his life there was only one woman. The other one. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Penny was a very pretty, witty and brave girl, as bold as a Marine platoon storming Iwo Jima. — John C. Wright

When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman. — P.B. Kerr

I think of country radio like a great lover: you were nice to me, you gave me a lot of cool stuff, and then you dumped my ass for another woman. — Dolly Parton

I uttered the wisest thing that you must say to an angry woman - "I'm sorry. — Mita Jain

I thought about writing the character as male, but then I would be forced to portray him as a woman in a man's body. — Christopher Stocking

My body - I do not fall to pieces and be reduced to a big pile of lovable mush over a woman, never! — A.R. Von

She would've been a good woman," said The Misfit, "if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life. — Flannery O'Connor

A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man. — Catherine Deneuve

You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair! — Jeaniene Frost

That woman could spread gossip faster than the flu in a whorehouse. — Jean Oram

Good thing about hanging out with a pregnant woman: designated driver by default. — Amelia C. Gormley

Hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse') — Patton Oswalt

Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist ! — Gaurav Rao

I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays — Joan Rivers

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid. — Ljupka Cvetanova

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile — Treasure Stitches

Jason tilts his head toward me, his hand moving slyly across his book. Stupid. Speech. Woman. — Cynthia Lord

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much! — Ljupka Cvetanova

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!" — Steven Wright

Never trust a woman who gives funny names to means of transport. — Terry Pratchett

It's the only thing sexier than a sexy woman. A sexy woman cooking fuckin' sausages. — Roddy Doyle

Calling a person 'sir' can often help you get what you want, unless of course the person is a woman. — Lemony Snicket

As the saying goes: God made man and woman; Colonel Colt made them equal. — Ann Coulter

Pumpkin, stop rubbing your ass against me. We gotta go! I don't have time to do you now. Prioritize, woman. — Kylie Scott

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. — Steve Martin

A smart wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman. — Miriam Defensor Santiago

There ain't a man in the world cares about a woman's past until he's thinking of her in his future. — Dru Pagliassotti

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad — Terry Pratchett

You do know you're a woman, right?" I ask.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks with an astonished face. "I thought I had a penis. — Katelin LaMontagne

Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire."

~ Liberty Jones — Lisa Kleypas

Yes, I have patterns of love addiction.
But I'm a woman.
Of course I do. — Emma Forrest

Say it, woman."
"It. Woman."
"God, you're a pain. — Kristan Higgins

Far be it from me to keep a woman from her book. That could become dangerous — Elizabeth Hunter

I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple. — Janet Evanovich

A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOUSE...AND THE SENATE. — Kristin Hannah

No man can ever admire a woman the way she admires herself. — Meeta Ahluwalia

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Bloody ashes, woman. This isn't a metaphor for anything! It's just boots. — Robert Jordan

If cheese was a woman, I'd marry her. I'd come home and eat her every night. — Solange Nicole

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. — Dorothy Parker

Supposing truth is a woman -- what then? — Friedrich Nietzsche

It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. — Helen Rowland

I live for a woman who scratches, just make sure to keep it on the back, baby, I dont like scars." ~Otto Carvalletti — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice. — Barry Parham

The woman rolled her eyes so loud I could hear it. — Jess Lourey

Why a woman turns fifty and certain people to whom she gave birth start thinking she should be wearing orthopedic shoes is completely beyond me. — Kelly Hunter

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again. — Kim Gatlin

You've been watching to much Pretty Woman, and I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm the hooker in this arrangement. — A.J. Rose

Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children. — Jane Austen

There is no animal more invincible than a woman, — Loretta Chase

A man's sexual organ is penis and woman's sexual organ is brains. — DK Publishing

They call me the confuser. Is he a man ... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind. — Noel Fielding

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. — Criss Jami

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby ... — Erma Bombeck

I am a woman, hear me roar," I said.
Gosh, what prompted that?" Amelia asked, and I jumped — Charlaine Harris

I don't know who tried to teach him what to do in the bedroom, but it must have been a furniture salesman. — Alice Walker

Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women. — Jose Saramago

Why you'll never see a woman with a bomb in her shoe: we have too much respect for shoes. — Carolyn V. Hamilton

I'm far from fat, but her using me as a sounding board on this topic is like me complaining to a blind woman that I have to wear contacts. — Emily Giffin

If you want a woman, you have to take her accessories, end of story. — Beverley Andi

The only way woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men
an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy. — Steve Harvey

Dear Lynda Carter, Please be with me in my hour of need. Especially if I don't have to twirl around to get my powers. — Michael R. Underwood

In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today? — Nicki Elson

To a man and woman, all of her elderly patients had been surprised to be old - which Avery privately regarded as a serious failure to pay attention. — Lionel Shriver

A woman without a past is like a fruitcake without brandy - insipid! — Nancy Atherton

I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit — Ann Everett

There is a perfect marriage. Any marriage counselor can tell you that. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him?

~ Susan — Sherrilyn Kenyon