Humor Thought Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humor Thought

Humor Thought Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Thought quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

You have a most pressing offer from the cable company ... It is a time sensitive offer, you know. I thought you would be grateful. — Vicki Keire

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night."
"And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically. — S.E. Jakes

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely" ... It's a basic skill isn't it ... — Tim Vine

Such bees! Bilbo had never seen anything like them.
"If one were to sting me," He thought "I should swell up as big as I am! — J.R.R. Tolkien

Collin! What a gorgeous name. Then again his name could have been Cracker Jack and I would have thought it was just as wonderful. — Nicole Gulla

I thought you guys were doing some kind of secret role-playing shit. — M.D. Saperstein

No wonder men got impervious to superficial pain, I thought. It came from this habit of hammering each other incessantly. — Diana Gabaldon

Maybe I could be a ninja assassin too, Jack thought. — Jane Seville

I don't know who thought up waxing, but it was clearly the same person who invented Vicodin. — Chelsea Handler

- Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious! — Bryanna Reid

And ah for a man to arise in me, That the man I am may cease to be! — Alfred Lord Tennyson

the pen is as wise as the mind that speaks through it — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

The trouble with cousins, Lizabeth thought, was that they knew all about you, even your allergies. — Erika Tamar

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside. — Robert J. Morrissette

children spend their time for they think they have more time; adults cry over their time for they see they have less time — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

And now she has you seizing control of my army."
"Your army? I thought this was Gaunt's."
"So did he. — Michael J. Sullivan

Cake is for the weak, Mom always says. Funny, I thought it was for birthdays. — Danielle Joseph

I'm not very domestic. For years my family thought mold was a frosting. — Martha Bolton

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? — George Carlin

First thought? Romance movies were bad for her psyche. — Kelly Moran

I thought you'd rather have a live donkey than a dead lion. — Ernest Shackleton

Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul. — Kim Harrison

Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical. — Ayn Rand

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. — Jef Mallett

Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know. — Cassandra Clare

He glared at Mr. Diddley's yellow-toothed smile, and thought how he'd like to shove a toothbrush in his mouth and teach him how to use it. — Justin Swapp

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake? — Dylan Moran

I have been quiet today because fear in my heart has been fighting with frustration in my brain, leaving little energy for my mouth. — Camron Wright

The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one! — C.S. Lewis

So it's true. You can walk in sunlight. I thought perhaps it might have worn off."
"If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know. — Cassandra Clare

Swaminathan had never thought that this story contained a moral. But now he felt that it must have one since the question paper mentioned it. — R.K. Narayan

Reality is a unified whole, but thought cuts it up into fragments. — Eckhart Tolle

Hey, look, I thought with a miserable laugh, this day just got worse. — Diana Rowland

At one point I thought I broke his face, but he turned out to just be laughing really hard. — Vali Chandrasekaran

It seemed my self defense skills had that effect on people, I thought, remembering when I threw Halette over my shoulder in Paris, twice. — Elle Klass

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. — Steven Wright

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. — Doug Larson

How many great gems were lost to thought
and not put down to pen.
You can but think of just a few
and then they're lost again. — L.F.Young

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.' — Demetri Martin

Never underestimate the power of cookies. — Marisa Baggett

It was a scary thought. A man could be surrounded by poetry reading and not know it. — Richard Russo

The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical ... They head straight for the kid all in black ... — Bella Shadow

I thought you were just typical teenagers."

No one has ever called me typical. I can't say I like it. — Sarah Nicolas

I've never stunned anyone except in our D.A. lessons," said Luna, sounding mildly interested. "That was noisier than I thought it would be. — J.K. Rowling

The last time I checked,I didn't have any special talent,thought Kara.Can I paint a demon to death?Drown it in some gouache? — Kim Richardson

The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to suck a dose of Coke while reading a paperback. — Nicholson Baker

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. — George Carlin

I'd always thought I was above being fascinated by anyone but myself. — Maggie Stiefvater

I thought maybe she was trying to be funny but then realized this was impossible to do without a sense of humor. — Chelsea Handler

I think he needs to stand up and say if he thought the president were wrong on policy and issues, he ought to say where. — George W. Bush

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching? — Terry Pratchett

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little personal characteristics. — Helen Rowland

I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library. — F Scott Fitzgerald

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself. — Steven Wright

I thought about writing the character as male, but then I would be forced to portray him as a woman in a man's body. — Christopher Stocking

I am an unlikely guardian. A month ago I thought the Medicare doughnut hole was a breakfast special for seniors. I am a care inflictor. — George Hodgman

I don't have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross. — A.S. King

Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger didn't agree! — Matt Groening

English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. — Anonymous

You'd tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story. — Patricia Briggs

I must try this again, I thought; I must try again someday to sit still and not say a word. Maybe when I'm dead. — Nora Ephron

Never thought I'd see the day when Death was denied. That leaves taxes as the only certainty. — Piers Anthony

Fuck rational thought — George Carlin

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist. — Bo Burnham

I don't know who that guy was in the famous statue called The Thinker, but he was so deep in thought, he forgot to put on a pair of pants. — R.J. Silver

There were no books in the Afterwards, which the people thought was some serious bullshit. — Amber Sparks

If I thought Fridays were awesome when I was a full-time student, they're downright euphoric now that I'm part of the regular workforce. — Lauren Layne

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him. — Noel Fielding

Jude: But I thought Fancy was the Slip Kid?
Olivia: Fancy?
Ruby: He nicknamed Clancy.
Olivia: Fancy sort of suits him. — Alexandra Bracken

Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it. — Sue Grafton

Cath thought of Levi's warmth against her arm last night. And his ten thousand smiles. And his forty-acre foreheard. — Rainbow Rowell

You do know you're a woman, right?" I ask.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks with an astonished face. "I thought I had a penis. — Katelin LaMontagne

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper. — Mitch Hedberg

I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK. — Mitch Hedberg

Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way. — Laurell K. Hamilton

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator — Josh Stern

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness". — Tim Vine

Theology, philosophy, metaphysics, and quantum physics are merely ways for God to have his smart people believe in him — Jeremy Aldana

Sorry, I thought I was just thinking that. — Kelly Oxford

I can't decide if you're a fool, Vin thought toward it, or if you simply exist in a way that makes you incapable of considering some things. — Brandon Sanderson

And you call yourself a Christian,' were Hilly's words to me and I thought, God. When did I ever do that? — Kathryn Stockett

And like most big families, they were loud and secretly thought they were funnier and a little more special than everyone else. — Jennifer Close

[ ... ] Who are you?"
He thought about that. "I'm a boy who doesn't exist," he said, eventually. — Kathryn James

Oh, dear, she thought, this is probably more democracy than an Englishman can stand. — Carla Kelly

I thought that was a really childish idea. So I did it. — John Duover

I've always thought people would find a lot more pleasure in their routines if they burst into song at significant moments. — John Barrowman

Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children. — Jane Austen

What a paradox it is, the sane causes more problems than the insane! It is! The real problems of the world do not come from the insane but, the sane! — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should. — J.K. Rowling

Any other brushes with insanity you haven't thought to mention? — Alethea Kontis

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. — Criss Jami

I thought you were opposed to engaging in prostitution to fund our travels."
"That's not what I - is prostitution your answer for everything? — Claudia Gray

Chiron looked surprised. I thought that would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles. — Rick Riordan

I thought you said you were the one in charge!" Ce'Nedra exclaimed.
I lied." Silk said. "It's a vice I have. — David Eddings

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life! — Russell Howard

They're butterflies because ... well, he thought it was cool. They eat humans. — Katsura Hoshino

I thought of Will telling me if I didn't stop bloody whistling he'd be forced to run me over. — Jojo Moyes

I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels. — Nicole Luiken

Thought you were making a James Band Joke. Hard to tell with that accent — G. Norman Lippert

The thought of Peter and John Ambrose McClaren in the same space together again is discomforting. Where would I even look? — Jenny Han