Humor Religion Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Humor Religion
Humor Religion Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Religion quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Never f*!k with the ineffable.
— Terry Pratchett
We did not determine our fate into the world. What we know is we are here in the world.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
I may not always walk the straight and narrow, but I sure in hell try to cross it as often as I can.
— J. Golden Kimball
The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.
— Richard Pryor
Banks are the temples of America. This is a holy war. Our economy is our religion.
— Giannina Braschi
I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.
— Bill Maher
Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously. — Carrie Fisher
Courage is just dreams with shoes on.
— Reba Riley
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
— Woody Allen
Christianity is such a silly religion.
— Gore Vidal
We are gods with anuses.
— Ernest Becker
I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself.
— Bill Maher
A sermon should be like a woman's dress. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep your attention.
— J. Golden Kimball
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
— Ricky Gervais
No man with a sense of humor ever founded a religion.
— Robert Green Ingersoll
I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality.
— Amber Tamblyn
Or maybe he would turn to religion. Many Americans did so when faced with heartache and hardship.
— Amy Tan
The gods too are fond of a joke.
— Aristotle.
In matters of religion and matrimony I never give advice, because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.
— Philip Dormer Stanhope
If we really exist merely to fulfill God's plan: then life is a television drama; with God being the scriptwriter, the director, and, the audience.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.
— A. Whitney Brown
Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
— Oscar Wilde
The departed souls shall never return.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
Just how would someone go about stealing your mind?
— Steven A. Moore
Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God.
— Scott Dikkers
He gives very questioning sermons, Bazil. Sometimes I wonder if he's entirely stable, or then again, if he might be simply ... intelligent.
— Louise Erdrich
All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.
— Stephen Colbert
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
— Ambrose Bierce
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
— George Carlin
If you like pray like a praying mantis or fast like a faxing machine, if you have no faith, you are just wasting your time and energy.
— Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha
Joy, humor, and laughter should be part of everyone's spiritual life. They are gifts from God and help us enjoy creation.
— James Martin
I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.
— George Bernard Shaw
See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.
— Jim Butcher
Vampires, like virgins or priests, are things that women believe in. We must never fail to humor them in such matters.
— Brian McNaughton
Unfortunately when I'm on my death bed I believe I'll be like most people and still looking for Jesus. And yes I've checked my sock drawer.
— Stanley Victor Paskavich
Is it hot in here? I'm sweating like a Christian in science class.
— Aaron B. Powell
No the cat we had to leave. It was not Protestant. But the dog, seeing no future for the Reformed Religion in France, was happy enough to go.
— Judith Merkle Riley
It's not like the Middle Ages, when you had the Church and the aristocracy keeping everything nice and stagnant.
— Kevin Hearne
God exists. He has one wicked since of humor, and right now he's having a grand old time punking the planet.
— Forrest Carr
Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there.
— Kira Peikoff
I understand religion is a walk, it's a journey. And I fully recognize that I'm a sinner, just like you.
— George W. Bush
The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.
— Ashley Montagu
When I was in my single digits, I was subjected to the worst torture you can possibly inflict on a child: Catholic mass.
— Tyler Oakley
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
— Stephen Colbert
And I, Nephi, took one of the daughters of Ishmael to wife.' Well Mr. Go-And-Do just went and did!
— John Bytheway
I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
— G.K. Chesterton
That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.
— Stephen Colbert
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
— George Carlin
I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.
— George Gordon Byron
One day all the racists and religious extremists in this world will wake up and realize that they are living in a 60's movie.
— Thisuri Wanniarachchi
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
— George Burns
Nothing discourages unwanted questions as much as a flow of pious bleating
— George R R Martin
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
— Mark Twain
I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit.
— John Raptor
Lennon had a good point when he said that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus, the Beatles have a longer Wikipedia page.
— Zachary Crosby
If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does.
— Christopher Hitchens
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
— Fulton J. Sheen
The Reformer is always right about what's wrong. However, he's often wrong about what is right.
— G.K. Chesterton
Cut me off from the Church? They can't do that! I repent do damn fast!
— J. Golden Kimball
That was the problem with religion. You no sooner made up your mind about something than you had to change it.
— Philip Gulley
The boring thing with 'No sex before marriage' is that kids will never get to attend their parents' wedding.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
— Oliver Markus
You're arguing in a circle," I said. "In a spiral," said Lamiel, "which is the best way to argue.
— Harry Blamires
You can't believe that AIDS is a curse from God against Gays without accepting that Lyme Disease is a curse from the same God against Deer Hunters ...
— T. Rafael Cimino
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
— Terry Pratchett
If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.
— James A. Michener
Any civilization where the main symbol of religious veneration is a tool of execution is a bad place to have children.
— Charles Stross
The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.
— Terry Pratchett
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.""That's not my religion," Murray said. "My religion just says duck. — David F. Porteous
Are there any religions on your list that include the slaughter of noblemen as a holy duty?
— Brandon Sanderson
Religion is a killing business, churches are now full of murderers.
— Sunday Adelaja
My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way
— Ali Shariati
Catholics get on well with tyranny. It's in the culture.
— Richard K. Morgan
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
— Garrison Keillor
The theist and the scientist are rival interpreters of nature, the one retreats as the other advances.
— Joseph McCabe
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
— Steven A. Moore