Humor Death Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humor Death

Humor Death Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Death quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

The fear of death is why we build cathedrals, have children, declare war, and watch cat videos online at three a.m. — Caitlin Doughty

I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so pissed. And you know, you'd be dead. So that would suck. — Bree Despain

Sure. If she gets mugged, she can just flute them to death. — Seanan McGuire

What? Why are you making the glee nose? The death of my world is funny? The final vengeance of my people? I will kill you. — Jackson Lanzing

Still, waking up this early was just wrong. "Why can't people be reasonable and only die after eleven A.M.?" I whined. — Diana Rowland

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. — Michael Bassey Johnson

Good morning!" my partner, Derrel, said in an insanely cheerful voice. "I need my Angel to come out and play. — Diana Rowland

He said he didn't want to brave yet, and I simply replied with being brave isn't an option in this world. — Shuno

If you can kill it, or it can kill you, it's real. — Laini Taylor

The dead know everything but they don't give a damn. — Joanne Harris

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? — Doug Stanhope

Certainty. Life's last and kindest gift. — Milan Kundera

There is no hope for the future, said Death — Terry Pratchett

That's it then. This is how it ends. I haven't even read Proust. — James Turner

I'm Allen Walker!"
My life....is over...I'm going to die.... — Katsura Hoshino

Being dead is highly overrated. It's no fun at all.
Mythe: A Fairy Tale — P.J. Gordon

Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers? — MaryJanice Davidson

Two puzzles that cannot be solved:
The miracle of birth and misery of death. — Lailah Gifty Akita

All around us is a nothing that stretches on for infinity. We humans can barely comprehend that. If we comprehend it we are rarely pleased. — F.K. Preston

If I weren't already dead, I'd have to kill myself just so I could roll over in my grave. — D.J. MacHale

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens. — Woody Allen

Immortality like this is about as useful as sunscreen on a submarine. — Elizabeth Marx

In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Eve "I shopped,"she said
Roarke "Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
Eve "Smartass. — J.D. Robb

If you Have ever Fainted, You Are a stranger in the land of the dead! — Antoni Omeihe

All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain. — Gasmaskman

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. — Kelli Jae Baeli

To each his own, I supposed, and I had more important things, like my impending death, to worry about. — Sage Kafsky

Love make us poets, and the approach of death should make us philosophers. — George Santayana

Have I cheated death again? Hades must be allergic to me. — Amanda Bouchet

I take this continent with me into the grave. — Ray Bradbury

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship. — Terry Pratchett

My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane. — F.K. Preston

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death. — Dov Davidoff

If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does. — Christopher Hitchens

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. — Fulton J. Sheen

It was not Death that stood before me but only Vernon Dickey, my father-in-law. — Don DeLillo

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists. — Yahtzee Croshaw

Violence can read like poetry. You just have to describe the act as if you're in love with the way your characters bleed. — F.K. Preston

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Once you hold the hand of Death, the only thing in life that can scare you is a sense of humor. — Lionel Suggs

Death can come slow. Death can come quick. If you've got one last breath, you better make the most of it. — A.H. Scott

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Don't be afraid, be terrified — Christopher Pike

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list. — Chuck Palahniuk

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything. — Terry Pratchett

It's just like an alcoholic to think he's doing the Zombie Apocalypse wrong. — Michele W. Miller

People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them. — Tite Kubo

Later in the morning Saul tried to die. — Ray Bradbury

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NAC MAC FEEGLE TODAY, said Death. OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN PROTECTIVE CLOTHING, HA HA. — Terry Pratchett

Louis-Cesare. It's good to finally have you in hand. — Karen Chance

Hey, look, I thought with a miserable laugh, this day just got worse. — Diana Rowland

The price for using dark magic is death, so that goes a long way toward deterring users. — Devon Monk

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death) — Terry Pratchett

I neither require nor desire your gratitude, mistress. I want nothing in these worlds save your death.
Volusian to Eugenie — Richelle Mead

If you let something scare you to death, then the worst has happened. — D.E. Athkins

It looked like pieces of bread pudding that had been soaked in raspberry syrup. — Diana Rowland

Whilst my god is known for his sense of humour, I don't think it extends as far as to save us from death just to kill us as soon as we wake up. — Athan Fletcher

The primary difference between sex and death is, with death there is no dress code — Josh Stern

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower. — Terry Pratchett

For appearances. Now there's a lovely thing to die for. — Gerald Morris

Humor, like Death, has all seasons for his own. — Ambrose Bierce

I'm going to get 'I'M NOT FUCKING DEAD' tattooed on my chest."
"That will become inaccurate at some point, " Omar pointed out. — Domashita Romero

Man. Being mostly dead is hard on a guy. — Jim Butcher

Without death Death is dead — Silje Akselberg Iversen

Never thought I'd see the day when Death was denied. That leaves taxes as the only certainty. — Piers Anthony

He's spending a year dead for tax reasons. — Douglas Adams

I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub — Charles Bukowski

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor. — Bauvard

Anything designed to be inoffensive isn't worth your time
life itself is pretty offensive, ending as it does with death. — Holly Lisle

Live, die, something else lives. The very soil humanity walks upon is built up from death. Digging into a flowerbed means digging into bones. — M. Jones

An eye for an eye my friend. — Tsugumi Ohba

I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK. — Mitch Hedberg

When I die I hope it may be said:
'Her suffering was black, but her books were read'. — Shannon L. Alder

Someone dying asks if there is life after death. Yes, comes the answer, only not yours. — E.L. Doctorow

When old friends get together, everything else fades to insignificance.- War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death — Robert Asprin

Don't we all hope to die with a smile on our faces? — Jeff O'Brien

Let me tell you: the only way to get rid of dragons is to have one of your own. — Eugene Shvarts

I keep dying and hoping you notice me. But you're too busy living. — F.K. Preston

Kira: L, do you know
Gods of death
love apples?
L: Damn you, Kira ... — Tsugumi Ohba

Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them. — Margaret Mitchell

Any film which views the darker side of life, which is death with a sense of humor, is very much to my taste. — Carter Burwell

Typical Xochi, leaving out important, death-related details. — J.T. Bock

Death is, in fact, oddly pleasant, and certainly an improvement on what comes immediately before it. — E.A.A. Wilson

The world had went to hell, but at least I'd have pretty toenails. — Rose Wynters

His eyes burned with intensity. I wondered briefly if someone
he knew was being held in that cold room that smelled like death. Someone he loved? — Jaye Wells

Selfishness from earth to hereafter: Thy pray and struggle, same by thee. Because life committed selfishness in living with the Democracy. — Deh Gel

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too? — Rachel Caine

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials — Ann Everett

Next time you wish to feed me poison, warn me first, Loor demanded. (The Merchant of Death) — D.J. MacHale

A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early. — Michelle Franklin

It's like a jolt of electric, but worse. — Lee Davidson

If I am ever put to death on the hook, expect a very human performance. — Kurt Vonnegut

Being single is not a death sentence. — Philip Siegel

Misa: I can't even imagine a world without light!
L: Well yes, that would be quite dark. — Takeshi Obata

If your life was complete, you'd be dead. — Joshua Wisenbaker

There are no nudists in cold areas. — Tsugumi Ohba

Men die. It's practically what they're for. — Catherynne M Valente

Sometimes the only answer to death is lunch. — Jim Harrison