Humor Children Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humor Children

Humor Children Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Children quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place. — Christopher Moore

The fear of death is why we build cathedrals, have children, declare war, and watch cat videos online at three a.m. — Caitlin Doughty

CUSTOMER: Do you have this children's book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe. — Jen Campbell

Life - with or without softener- is hard — Kate Papas

I like all my children, even the squat and ugly ones. — Howard Nemerov

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying. — Terry Pratchett

I wonder if a fish's
One and only wish is
That other fish will never say,
This fish is sure delicious! — Brian Rock

On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children. — Allie Brosh

We must have the attitude that every child in America - regardless of where they're raised or how they're born - can learn. — George W. Bush

Children in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo. — Stephenie Meyer

Calico Kitty

My calico kitty
was painted and primed
she could prowl
the night away ~
without spending a dime... — Muse

Really, there was only one problem with Mr. Davis, as far as Gregory was concerned; He taught math. — Greg Pincus

Of course I wanted to embarrass my children one day. Isn't that why people had kids?
Besides free labor, I mean. — Laurel Ulen Curtis

children spend their time for they think they have more time; adults cry over their time for they see they have less time — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

The people knew then that Greg wasn't a monster, just a hungry animal. — KayeC Jones

Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis. — George W. Bush

You know that person on your left shoulder who tells you that you can't do it or that you're not good enough? Tell that person to GET LOST! — Dawn M. Plass

It's easy enough to get along with a loved and loving child - at least till you try to get him to do something. — Mignon McLaughlin

I like stories about supervillains. They teach children that you can accomplish great things even when the whole world is against you. — G.D. Falksen

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. — Nora Ephron

His expression was impassive. Somewhere, I just knew, he must have a slew of illegitimate children, all named Bartholomew. — Catherine Lowell

There's nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you. — James Coburn

This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework. — Ben Aaronovitch

Basset Hounds never get scared. We're fearless, resolute and know how to season a good lamb chop. — Elias Zapple

My parents and I always put great emphasis on telling stories that appeal to a child's sense of humor. — Mike Berenstain

Either you have a sense of humor about [being a former child star], or you're in rehab. There's not a lot of gray area. — Wil Wheaton

The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. — Socrates

My demons creep like a pedo in a park full of kids. Each one reminding me of the consequences, what I didn't do, or did. — Ken Dereste Dorcely

Duke to Michel: I'm fairly certain that even if
you'd struggle in a quiz against a pigeon, you are capable enough of opening doors. — Elias Zapple

The house seemed to have all the comforts of little Children, dirt and litter. — Jane Austen

Adoption is the most intentional process on Earth. — Jody Cantrell Dyer

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together. — Sam Levenson

Children want the same things we want.
To laugh, to be challenged, to be entertained, and delighted. — Dr. Seuss

Peter, you're twelve years old. I'm ten. They have a word for people our age. They call us children and they treat us like mice. — Orson Scott Card

You don't find a masked man wielding a gun interesting? Tell me ... what do you find interesting then-Matt Carter — Natasha Larry

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. — Ogden Nash

You stupid piece of warm bacon. — Hugh Lofting

My need to parent is so much bigger, sometimes, than my children's need for parenting. — Margot Page

Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. Christ, how can our family be mankind's best hope? — Natasha Larry

But there's no doubt that children have an innate sense of humor. No matter how young they are, they always know when something's really funny. — Tetsuko Kuroyanagi

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. — S.K. Tremayne

Of all the gifts you can get, friends and family are the best! — Jan Britland

Use condoms; it's wise not to gamble with your children's future. — Bauvard

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. — Marcus Tullius Cicero

I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children. — George W. Bush

I escaped from an interview with that laboratory-loving doctor, Ag O. Nee, just barely by the shadow of my Nosey nose! — I.B. Nosey

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself. — Woody Allen

In that day, we didn't have no remote controls and vacuum cleaners. If you wanted all that stuff you had children! — Tyler Perry

Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

That weekend my people brought home
a big eared gray scrawny kit.
He was so loud and annoying
that I did not like him one bit. — Melinda K. Trotter

The only thing weaker than a toddler's handshake is their immune system. — Jim Gaffigan

Your name isn't Sniffles?" Ewan pretended to be surprised. — C.J. Milbrandt

Thinking over this thought, this whole thinking makes no sense. — Janosch

Toilet paper unrolled and slithered
then wrapped around my tummy.
That paper tried to roll me up
into an Egyptian mummy. — Melinda K. Trotter

Add children to the list of things I hate. — Lauren Morrill

Any civilization where the main symbol of religious veneration is a tool of execution is a bad place to have children. — Charles Stross

I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade — Russell Howard

Isn't it wonderful to give birth to your own kind? — Lailah Gifty Akita

I was an only child, eventually. — Steven Wright

Nicu: It's not fair! Everybody has fangs but me, and I can't even turn into a bat properly. Sometimes when I try I end up as a sparrow! — Elias Zapple

Children are our future. We cannot allow them to run amok.
-pg. 167 The Collected Sayings of the Emperor The Demon's Daughter — Emma Holly

I'm Reginald Clark, I'm afraid of the dark
So please do not close this book on me. — Shel Silverstein

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well. — Mignon McLaughlin

You cannot, it seems, let children run about the streets. People who have seen them running wild in Russia say that the sight is not a pleasant one. — Virginia Woolf

His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses. — T.A. Miles

Come on, Eden, don't be naive. Demonic children are a dime a dozen in Netherworld. Need I mention Children of the Corn? Damien? Justine Bieber? — Michelle Rowen

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged. — Andrea L'Artiste

Nothing's really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I'll be hopelessly outnumbered. — Eilis O'Neal

I think there are probably just as many adults who would miss the humor of my books, if not more, as there are children. — Daniel Handler

Impertinent children ought to be given six coats of shellac and set up in public places as a warning to others. — Alan Bradley

You know teenage boys, you own one-Mason Lerner — Natasha Larry

Small female children. They're devious, but they're prettier than sons, and they smell better. (The Spirit of the Prophecy to Garion) — David Eddings

I once heard a tobacco-chewing hog farmer say that, in Iowa, folks like to spread out their children like dog shit on a dance floor. — Andrew Smith

Sometimes it's good to be the smartest rat in the sewer. — Michael Houbrick

Children inherit their parents' madness. — Gabriel Garcia Marquez

If you treat them like children, then get ready for your company to turn into one big Barney episode. — Ben Horowitz

Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets. — Roald Dahl

Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless. — Terry Pratchett

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. — Mark Twain

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an 'idea'. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave. — Leah Broadby

Children are lovable and adorable. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature. — Jasper Fforde

Being a geological formation gives you a lot of time to think. Also, I subscribed to a number of learned journals. — Neil Gaiman

Jocelyn's stomach lodged another complaint with the management regarding the length of time since breakfast. — Heidi Schulz

The smaller girl hid her eyes with her hands, and Ewan smiled. Did she think that would make her invisible? — C.J. Milbrandt

There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write. — Mignon McLaughlin

Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that. — Jim Gaffigan

Stealing is wrong Billy — David Chuka

Gerald's look assured her that he and the others would be as near angels as children could be without ceasing to be human. — E. Nesbit

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary. — Victor Borge

I like subversive humor, freckles, women's knees and long hair, the laughter of playing children, and a girl running down the street. — Rene Magritte

Cheeky. Carry them for nine months, feed them, clothe them, and what do I get? Impertinence. — Patricia Briggs

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. — Erma Bombeck

Education is the best gift my parent gave me. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent's past, there's leftover booze and contraceptives. — Bauvard

She did not especially appreciate children either, but could be kind to them when they were silent. — Gordon Dahlquist

Parenting fucked you up. — Abigail Barnette

Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children. — Jane Austen

I'm an elephant today. I will need to have lots of room and also a bowl of water on the floor. — Jesse Ball

I hang around kids so people will assume when I act like one it's because I'm babysitting. — Richelle E. Goodrich