
Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife. —
Mark Watson

What is characteristic of illusions is that they are derived from human wishes. —
Sigmund Freud

If you're doing something that you love to make a living, make sure you love it and make sure you do it. —
Myka 9

I own your balls, huh !" She grinned, laughing." I'll have to remember that the nest time you give me any shit. " (El Diablo) —
M. Robinson

I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, "Doesn't wine give you a headache?" "Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!" —
Mitch Hedberg

Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more. —
Catullus

My age makes me think how valuable life is. How bad is something like Parkinson's in relation to not having life at all? —
Michael J. Fox

Give me a guitar and I'll play; give me a stage and I'll perform; give me an auditorium and I'll fill it. —
Eric Clapton

To me, the best humor is indeed the ability to laugh at one's self. So I give myself endless opportunities to do so. —
Tom Althouse

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work. —
Ellen DeGeneres

I'm caught in colliding currents of confusion, so desperate so desperate so desperate to be close so desperate to be far away. —
Tahereh Mafi

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw. —
Tallulah Bankhead

Operator! Give me the number for 911! —
Dan Castellaneta

So. Tell me, little wolf. Do you want to punish those who have wronged you? —
Marie Lu

Bigots are actually funny to me in the way that people who still wear parachute pants give me a chuckle. —
John Ridley

What kind of good deeds? Like Girl Scouts? Because I got kicked out of Brownies and they won't give me another chance to keep my clothes on at camp. —
Haven Kimmel

We were talking briefly about cocaine ... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that! —
Robin Williams

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it. —
Jimmy Fallon

My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there. —
Ron Richards

Being present means just that. Feeling your feelings as they come up. Experiencing your sensations as they occur. —
Callisto Media

Whenever we see an unprotected piece we must keep our eyes peeled because this is one of the most important ingredients of a combination. —
Jacob Aagaard

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. —
Jack Benny

It's not that I'm not grateful for all this attention. It's just that fame and fortune ought to add up to more than fame and fortune. —
Robert Fulghum

And all I know is, you've got to give me everything. Nothing less 'cause, you know I give you all of me. —
Gwen Stefani

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win." —
Mitch Hedberg

My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Money feels funny in my hands. If I give you this slice of paper, you let me on the bus? It's ridiculous. —
Cameron Jace

Men are not amusing during the shooting season; but, after all, my dear, men were not especially designed to amuse women. —
Gertrude Atherton

I think with 'Chunky Rice,' it felt novel to me to give this emo twist on these funny animals. —
Craig Thompson